Lauren Sparks

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Knight in Polished Armor

January 6, 2019 by Lauren 26 Comments

My mom gave my husband a letter after he proposed to me. Instead of trying to explain it, I think quoting a small snippet from the note will make more sense:

 

Dearest Chuck,

Lauren has chosen you as her knight in polished armor. I purposely used polished and not shining. Shining could mean new – untested, but you do not fit that description. As we shared with you when you asked for Lauren’s hand in marriage, we were concerned at first about Lauren’s future with you; but after the times of visiting and sharing your heart with us, we now believe you have worked very hard to allow God to shine your armor until it is polished and ready for a new life with our daughter.

 

As someone who had already experienced divorce, Chuck initially thought of himself as too broken for our union, but my parents put him at ease with how God had made him not only suitable, but stronger than ever for the years ahead. Chuck embraced the analogy of the polished armor and I loved the romantic notion of his being my knight. The metaphor falls apart, though, if it requires me to be a spectating damsel.

 

While I was searching through old mementos to find the letter from my mom, I found one written by Chuck to me:

 

Hi Love,

Tomorrow we go into battle for our sweet daughter. We have battled many times for her. I would go to battle with no one else! I love our adventurous never boring world.

I am able to do so much more in all areas because I feel love and support from you! I am again just thankful, thankful, thankful that you are my parenting partner and champion for our girls.

You make me better.

 

This letter isn’t dated so I can’t honestly tell you I know what it was about. We have been through so much with our oldest. We could have been on the precipice of a surgery, a lifestyle altering diet, a drug trial or starting a non-FDA approved medication. The details of the battle aren’t as important as the fact that we were fighting together.

 

I once heard someone say that

You should choose to marry someone you would want beside you in battle.

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That would have made no sense to the starry-eyed romantic who got to drive off into the sunset with her knight, but 20 years later, I know it to be true. In addition to the all out war we have waged against our daughter’s Dravet Syndrome, we have joined forces against the landmines created by a blended family, financial struggles, job changes, moves, surgeries, cancer, extended family drama , parenting and our own sin and depravity. There’s no one else I’d rather have in my foxhole.

 

There are many romantic things I could say about my husband on our 20th wedding anniversary. He is kind, loyal, hardworking, loving, strong, smart, God-honoring and easy on the eyes. But I’d like to highlight his heroism and outstanding service in the battles of life. With him and our Heavenly Father, I don’t fear the enemy, and the skirmishes are conquerable.

 

On this milestone, my promise for the future is that I will never stop fighting with and for my knight in polished armor.

 

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV

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For the Love of a Cow

January 4, 2019 by Lauren 31 Comments

We flew to California for one day passes to Disneyland.  We had to.  We were on a mission to get my special girl Shelby to see a life-sized Clarabelle Cow.  At lease that’s what we thought we were doing.

 

To back up, our 18 year old daughter has the mental and emotional intelligence of a toddler.  And my first born baby is obsessed with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Some of you got to outgrow that phase with your children.  We probably never will.  It can be annoying at times, but it brings her so much joy that I can’t help but enjoy it too.  Because Shelby struggles to communicate, I might never have known that Clarabelle, a minor character in the show, was her favorite.  But we got her a Mickey Mouse book, and she kept it turned to a picture of the singing cow all the time.  She was only ever interested in looking at that page and talking about her.  Once we found a Clarabelle stuffed animal on ebay (for entirely too much money) and presented it to Shelby, we knew FOR SURE that the cow is her favorite.

 

Stuffed Clarabelle is now Shelby’s almost constant companion.  That 15 inch toy only leaves her hand under duress.  Bath time, meal time, school and therapy.  When our daughter went away to summer camp for a week with the Epilepsy Foundation of Texas, we told her counselors that they would have to pry Clarabelle out of Shelby’s unwilling hands for activities and that Shelby would tell them she was sad.  We assured them this was necessary and that Shelby would rebound quickly when her beloved was out of sight.  Those tender-hearted counselors must not have been able to deal with anyone being sad at summer camp.  Every picture of Shelby they posted on social media that week included her doll.  Clarabelle went to the mess hall, rode horses, kayaked, did arts and crafts and swam in the pool.  She was a sad and tired mess after 6 days.  And Shelby was exhausted too.  The love of the cow runs deep.

 

When we got to Disneyland the Saturday of Columbus Day weekend (they set an attendance record – wouldn’t recommend going then), we trucked it to the guest services desk post haste to find out when and where Clarabelle would be appearing.  The answer stunk.  She would not be present in the park that day.  Now we knew when we started planning this trip that there were no Clarabelle guarantees, but I confess that I bummed hard.  For the love, we made a cross country trip.  *Sigh*  Anyway, our next hope was Clarabelle’s Creamery – a popular ice cream parlor.  We imagined her image adorning the walls and memorabilia for sale in the gift shop.  No such luck.  There was not a picture of Shelby’s best friend, or any other cow in the whole place much less a t-shirt or keychain for sale.  All of this prompted my husband to caption his social media photos with

#Disney #fortheloveofacow

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With all of our musical cow dreams dashed to bits, we got about the rest of our day enjoying the park.  And did Shelby enjoy the park!  We discovered that our meek and gentle girl LOVES the speed, thrills and potential spills of roller coasters!  She rode rails that would make this mama mess her britches and whooped and hollered the entire time.  Smiles and giggles ALL DAY LONG.  Turns out that Chuck and I were the only ones disappointed.  Shelby had no expectation of seeing a bigger than life Clarabelle.  Her mind can’t even fathom the possibility.  She was as happy as I’ve ever seen her just hanging out with her people, and making some death defying turns – at least that’s how it appeared to this scaredy chicken.

 

In retrospect, I think the coaster-love was God’s sweet little surprise for us.  We made plans for what we thought would delight Shelby, but God knew what would do the trick.  In a silly and whimsical way, Space Mountain illustrates Proverbs 19:21.  “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”  We most often use this verse to remind us that God knows what’s best for us, which is absolutely true.  But I think it also points to our God’s propensity to surprise us.  He loves us so much that He delights in our delight.  As much as the sound of Shelby’s laughter brings me joy, my love for her is dwarfed by our Heavenly Father’s pleasure in us.

 

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.”  Isaiah 30:18

 

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About Me

I love Jesus, my husband and caffeine. The order of these can change depending on how tired I am. When my two daughters, stepson, and 4 grandchildren get to be too much, I practice yoga. God graciously allows me to share our adventures, victories and flub-ups from my laptop. May He be glorified here.
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