Back in January, I shared my One Word focus for the year. Trust. I knew I lacked trust in our all-powerful God, so His leading in this direction did not surprise me. I trust Him with my eternal salvation but not with the care and keeping of myself and my loved ones. Not truly. It makes no sense, but I have a feeling I’m not the only one.
I have some significant lessons I feel led to share with you, but I confess I’m not sure how to do so. The biggest issue that I pray and plead with God about is not my story alone to tell. So out of respect, I must be vague. I value authenticity and wish I could be completely forthcoming, but I hope you will understand. And I pray the message still comes across. Here goes:
I shared several scriptures on trust in my original One Word post. In the months since, I have been a faithful scribe, copying them in longhand almost every day for meditation and memorization purposes. I have prayed fervently for God to take away this burden of distrust and help me place all the things in His capable hands. And yet I still hold on.
What do I mean by distrust? Uncontrollable shaking every time I got a phone call about the situation. Mini panic attacks (never had those before). Medication to sleep after learning new information. Heavy anxiety. No peace whatsoever. Until God took my knowledge of the issue away.
God must have decided that if I couldn’t release the reigns to Him, He would take away any semblance of control I thought I had. No more new information coming in. No way to assert my opinions or even the truth of God’s Word into the situation. I argued with Him. (Of course, I did.) How will I know when there’s a new development? Who else will speak truth into this mess?
And in His kind way, God whispered, “I will speak truth into the mess.” and “I love them even more than you do.” and “I can handle it.” I confess that this initially caused me additional anxiety. But if I’m honest, I also felt relief. I can’t know. I can’t do. I can only pray and be.
I prayed for God to help me trust Him and He has delivered. Not the way I intended, but he did answer that prayer. He told me in no uncertain terms that he could do this without my help. And in the absence of information, my anxiety has plummeted. God forced my obedience, and I thank Him.
I still pray daily for this situation. And I am under no delusions that said situation will turn out the way I want. But I can have some semblance of rest and peace that God is in control of it. I need not interfere. And in the end, He will make all things right. It’s a promise.
God is our refuge and strength,
a very presentb]”>[b]”>bb]”>] help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Psalm 46:1-3
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