Lauren Sparks

The Sparks Notes

We Will Dance: After Cancer

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“We Will Dance”

I’ve watched the sun rise in your eyes
And I’ve seen the tears fall like the rain
You’ve seen me fight so brave and strong
You’ve held my hand when I’m afraid
We’ve watched the seasons come and go
We’ll see them come and go again
But in winter’s chill or summer’s breeze
One thing will not be changing

[Chorus:]

We will dance
When the sun is shining, in the pouring rain.
We’ll spin and we’ll sway
And we will dance.
When the gentle breeze becomes a hurricane,
The music will play
And I’ll take your hand and hold you close to me
And we will dance.

Sometimes it’s hard to hold you tight
Sometimes we feel so far apart
But sometimes we dance as one
And feel the beating of each other’s heart
Some days the dance is slow and sweet
Some days we’re bouncing off the walls
But no matter how this world may turn
Our love will keep us from falling and …

[Chorus]

The music will play
And I’ll hold you close and I won’t let go
Even when our steps grow weak and slow
Still I’ll take your hand and hold you close to me
And we will dance…

What This Song Means to Me

Steven Curtis Chapman released this song in 2003 on his “All About Love” album.  I owned the CD.  I listened to it often.  My marriage was still as shiny and new as our wedding rings and I loved all the songs written and dedicated to his wife.  I’m a romantic, but this one wasn’t a favorite.  However, I came across it on Spotify a couple of weeks ago and the lyrics hit completely different.
2003 Chuck and Lauren had barely started life together.  We were in love and thought we could weather any storm.  2022 Chuck and Lauren have lived through some things.  In 2003, our first born was already having seizures, but we had no idea how severe her medical and developmental problems would become.  We struggled with the challenges of a blended family and have now seen the aftermath of divorce devastate.  Had we any idea then how difficult raising a teenager in the information age would be?  Nope.  And we never dreamed we would grind through job loss and financial insecurity.

It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month

We have now both had cancer.  Breast cancer for me and tonsil cancer for him.  Cancer changes you in ways I cannot describe.  Our bodies are forever altered with scars you can see and scars you can’t.  Surgeries, injuries, treatments and chronic pain checker our histories.
As a couple, we have depended on God more than we ever thought we would need to.  We begged Him for healing, thanked Him for mercy and walked with Him through incredibly challenging things.  He has moved on our behalf in ways we asked for and in ways we didn’t expect/ still haven’t seen.
What I’m saying is,

we have lived some life since 2003.  And our marriage is all the sweeter for the storms.  Would I choose any of them?  Emphatically no.  But I know now how strong we are now.

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 I KNOW.  When SCC sings, ” the gentle breeze becomes a hurricane”, I remember the day a phone call rocked our world.  As he’s “seen the tears fall like the rain” I understand and remember (and not that far back).  When the sun is shining,” or “in the pouring rain”, Chuck keeps on dancing with me.  I am so grateful.

Public Service Announcement:

I don’t wear pink in October just because I like it (although I do).  A mammogram caught my invasive ductal cell carcinoma at Stage 1.  That day was over 5 years ago.  I’m not sure I would be here today had I waited for a physical manifestation.  Go get squeezed ladies.  It may not be your idea of a fun time, but it’s important!  Also, if you are not yet subscribed to this blog, do it now.  You will receive my ebook This was Not On My Bingo Card:  Essays on Cancer and Related Surprises.  
Testimonial from a cancer patient I shared the ebook with: “I woke up about 2AM the night before last, and after several attempts to go back to sleep, I realized that I was having anxiety about my upcoming surgery and a few other events coming up. So, I got up and read your essays on breast cancer. I shed some tears, at times laughed, and felt empathy and completely related to many aspects of your journey. I did feel much lighter and was able to stop worrying after reading, so thank you for sharing your personal experience.”
And now for this week’s featured post from the link up.
Paula from simplycoffeandjesus.com wrote about a problem I have been talking about for years (and even have a podcast idea about) in Sustaining Friendships from Midlife and Beyond – A Woman’s Guide.

The Link Up

 

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

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MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
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LAUREN SPARKS
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LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
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TAMMY KENNINGTON – Restoring hope. Pursuing peace.
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Graduation and Complex Feelings

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graduationNationaltoday.com says today is Repeat Day.  I feel that.  We attended a graduation ceremony last week for our daughter Shelby.  She graduated from high school at 17.  But now at 21 she is graduating from the same school’s transition program.  We are so grateful for the extra years our state allows special education students to stay before moving on to the adult world.

 

I have lots of feelings, as I did when writing about her first graduation here, here, here and here.  And I have shed buckets of tears over those feelings.  It’s complicated.  Usually when a graduation happens, bigger and better things await.  But I would keep Shelby right where she is forever if I could.  I am thankful for the adult dayhab that she will attend from now on.  It will give her some socialization and a break from the boredom that is hanging out at home.  But it’s not the same.  And that, along with tougher medical care – and someday a small group home – are what is available to her for the rest of her life.

 

Graduation Goodies

 

But let’s break from the doom and gloom to talk about the sweet, special moments from her graduation.  She was so excited to be celebrated.  There were balloons, cupcakes and other decorations.  Her teacher spoke of Shelby’s sweet disposition, her stubborn streak and how she’s grown.  She called her a ray of sunshine.  And she is.

 

One of her former aides asked off work to come see her.  And the aide who works with her now stuck to her side.  Teachers and paraprofessionals from her elementary, middle school and both high schools have cared for her and loved her so well.  And I might as well include nurses, bus drivers, diagnosticians and transition specialists too!  My husband’s observation was that she is known – really known by this community.  And that’s hard to leave behind.  She’s so fortunate to have had this experience with school.

 

Shelby’s Best Buddy Delaney came to the ceremony.  And invited us all to her graduation party.  She has taken Shelby to Homecoming and a friendship ball.  A halloween party and an Easter egg hunt.  Ice cream and soda dates filled the in between.  Shelby loves to be with same age peers.  And I don’t know how many other high school seniors would spend their time like this.

 

Lastly, we met Shelby’s boyfriend at graduation.  We didn’t know that she had one.  I don’t think she knows either.  But this young man thinks my daughter is beautiful.  He told us that she hugs him and they walk holding hands.  I was so grateful for his tender affection for her and for the comic relief.  I really needed it.

 

Graduation Education

 

So the day was both sweet and hard.  My point in telling you all this is to make sure you know that we can hold both things.  We can be joyful and still grieve.  I can laugh in the midst of pain.  We can be grateful for the experience and still think it sucks that it’s over. 

Our emotions don’t have to fit in one nice, neat box.  God made all these emotions and none of them are bad.  He handles messier things than this.

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And even when there is tension between our desires and our realities, we can be confident in God’s sovereignty and His love for us.

 

And now if you don’t mind, I’m going to follow the instructions in Matthew 6:6 from the Message.

 

“Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.”

 

And now for this week’s featured post from the link up!

Linda from beingwoven.org used scripture beautifully to express the frustration and inner turmoil we often feel about the hard things in the world.  I so appreciate her vulnerability and her prayer of obedience in I Have Very Few Words…Today.

 

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

Grace and Truth_Meet Hosts

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

TAMMY KENNINGTON – Restoring hope. Pursuing peace.
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

Now Let’s Link Up!

 

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Sharing is caring! If you liked this post, do me the huge honor of using the buttons below to share it to your favorite social media accounts. And if you want to get these essays emailed to you once a week, subscribe!  Lastly, my posts may contain affiliate links and I earn from qualifying purchases. If you buy anything from one of these links, I will receive a few pennies to help offset the cost of this website at no additional charge to you. Thank you in advance for your help.

 

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