Lauren Sparks

The Sparks Notes

Mrs. Write

by 40 Comments

Photo by Nick Morrison on Unsplash

I recently chewed on the following question from someone:

“If you knew no one would ever read what you write, would you:

Not write at all

Write a bit less

Write a lot more?”

 

I don’t really know how to answer this.  I do know that the first option – not writing at all – is really no option for me at all.  I have loved writing almost as long as I can remember and my brain just thinks in terms of narrative and analogy and phrasing.

 

Poetry was my first love.  An elementary school assignment helped me discover that rhyming came easy for me.  I composed my first verses about the game of softball.  A ballad along the lines of “Casey at the Bat”.  At 9 years old, it’s what I knew.  And I still have it if you ever need a giggle.  In middle school, I wrote about what I longed to know – middle school boys.  My poems dripped with the weird feelings and angsty emotions I couldn’t really understand.  Impressed by my talents, my girlfriends even requested I write poems for them about the boys THEY liked.  I usually obliged.  I penned a few about my growing devotion for God, too.  But at the risk of sounding falsely righteous, unrequited love remained my favorite topic.

 

I joined the Creative Writing Club in high school (What?  It was cool…ish) and enjoyed assignments for English and Literature classes.  Until my senior year when my Honors English teacher tried to wring every ounce of creative zeal out of my body and leave me out to dry.  I know that sounds dramatic, but I don’t say it lightly.  Both of my parents taught public school in the same district I attended.  They frowned upon complaining about teachers, but sided with me on this one.  After a year of harsh critique and criticism, I burned out and took a break from pen wielding while enjoying all college had to offer (a little too much) and falling in love with my husband.

 

I got pregnant with Shelby during the first year of our marriage and kept a pregnancy journal for her.  During those months, jotting down what I experienced and felt for her reignited my passion for words.  So passionate was I, in fact, about that notebook that I frightened my poor husband to death with a wailing phone call after our new puppy chewed it up.  What can I say?  Pregnancy hormones.

 

As we made plans for me to stay home and care for our first child, we looked for ways to cut costs.  The relatively new, exciting and slow (remember dial-up?) internet offered me a job writing online devotionals for a Christian website.  Unfortunately, these folks were a little ahead of their time.  Not many people did their reading digitally in the year 2000 and the money ran out quickly.  But my first paycheck was the exact amount I owed my OB/GYN after taxes for delivering my baby.  Only God.

 

When we moved to the big city for Shelby’s medical care, a new church family blessed me by using my gift for articles and newsletters in the Women’s Ministry.  A few years later, a charitable organization offered us the opportunity to fund raise for research to benefit Dravet Syndrome in Shelby’s name.  I birthed a blog to help with those efforts called “Shelby’s Fast Feet”.  I wrote about her and this disorder and life as a special needs mom.  That blog became “The Sparks Notes” as I continued to write about Shelby but also felt called to share other details of my life and the ways God moves in it.  And now I continue to write about Jesus and family and friends and all the things here at laurensparks.net.

 

Several of you kind friends have asked me how I’m progressing with my latest passion project – writing a book.  The simple answer is…slow.  I let this frustrate me initially, but I refuse to allow it that power anymore.  The truth is I am a mom and a wife with 2 part time jobs.  And right now writing has to fit around the edges of all that.  And I’m writing about friendship.  So I’m not going to pass on the opportunity to share in fellowship and community with someone else so I can sit at the keyboard.  That defeats the purpose of the message I believe God is whispering through me.  And you know what?  The more time I spend with the material and the more time I spend with the real people, the more He opens my eyes to the incompleteness of the lessons He continues to teach me on community. 

God keeps molding me and writing the story He wants to tell.

Click To Tweet
 In Ephesians 4:1 Paul says, “I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”  So I keep living, and seeking and loving and typing, while waiting expectantly for the end result, which may be much different than the book I initially flushed out.

 

In the mean time, I write here, knowing that as long as I write to tell other’s about the love of Jesus, I walk in obedience to the call on my life.  So for those of you sweet enough to still be reading, stay tuned.  And if you want to grab coffee or lunch, I’m your girl.  Research, you know 😉

More on Friendship and True Community

by 22 Comments

 

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote wrote a post about my deep seated desire for authentic friendship and community.  You can find it here.  I don’t think I’ve written anything that has engendered this much discussion since this piece on special needs and the church.  The response I got begged for a follow-up.  Honestly, I almost didn’t publish the article because it seemed a little whiny.  A little too needy.  And who wants to be either of those things?  But I sat with it and prayed about it and decided that it was an authentic part of my experience and needed to be shared.  I was ill prepared for how great was the need.

 

I heard from women in my own community and across the country who feel isolated and crave intimate friendships.  Based on Instagram and Facebook, I bought the lie that everyone else has an active and fulfilling social life, so I must be a loser.  But this conversation has shown me that there are LOTS of losers out there!  Hmmm.  Maybe there is a better way to say that.  An unfulfilled desire for connection is much more common than I previously thought – especially among women around my age and stage of life.  I got responses like, “I thought it was just me.”  and “It stinks being the perpetual asker.”  Wow.  To be truly understood in the area felt like a breath of fresh air to me.  Almost like I created some community by writing about community!

 

For most women, friendships are soooooo important.  So it is also quite painful when things go awry.  I can tell you from my own personal experience that I had a relationship fall out several months ago that I consider the most painful thing I endured in 2017. And I had a cancer diagnosis, chemo and 4 surgeries!  You might think I am exaggerating to make a point, but I assure you I’m not.  I’m such a relational person that cutting out a friendship was much more traumatic than anything that happened to me in an operating room.  Loosing my breasts was just physical.  A severed relationship cuts to my very soul.  And the absence of significant, intimate friendships can feel as handicapping as a missing limb.

The absence of significant, intimate friendships can feel as handicapping as a missing limb.

Click To Tweet

After giving this topic some more thought and reading what others have had to say, I have a couple of practical suggestions:

  1.  On busyness.  My number one relationship complaint has been that no one has time to offer.  And real friendships take time.  Not just shooting an occasional text and running into each other at church or kids sporting events, but genuine time.  To sit.  To talk.  To eat a meal together.  To come to the aid of someone in need.  This is a real problem.  Most of us need to find ways to give ourselves more margin for rest, relaxation and relationships.  Things that feed us and make us better to be around.  But the truth is that we all have responsibilities and commitments that must be fulfilled.  Most of us can’t lighten our loads over night.  This thought occurred to me as the previous article became a siren call for quality time and a few sweet individuals answered that call.  I now have invitations to lunches and coffees in May.  Otherwise known as “hell month” for anyone with kids in public school.  We have all the events and all the banquets and all the things.  So what do we do when we truly ARE busy?  How about instead of merely declining an invitation – we look at our calendars and find an alternative.  For example, “I have to drive my kiddos to events this evening, but I would love to see you and have Wednesday lunch free.  Would that work for you?”
  2. I stated in the last post that I was “fighting” for community.  That I wasn’t going to give up inviting and expanding my current group of friends in the hopes of growing fellowship.  And I do think it’s important for me to put myself out there to be open to possibilities.  But one wise friend reminded me that I should not neglect asking God for my heart’s desires – especially when the desires line up with his will for us.  And we know He wants us to be in fellowship with other believers.  In John 16:24, Jesus tells us, “ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full.”  In my Bible, those words are in red – straight from the mouth of the Man himself.  So while I think we should step out in obedience to any invitations or opportunities God is leading toward, I also need to step up my prayers in this area.  As one bloggy friend said, “Sometimes the best connections form unexpectedly.”

So here’s to good friends.  Tonight is kinda special.  Wait…that’s a beer commercial.  So here’s wishing you unexpected connections, God surprises and life-giving community.

Categories

Archives