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Learning to Lament

February 14, 2019 by Lauren 36 Comments

The weight of this sad time we must obey;

Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.  – William Shakespeare, King Lear

 

This blog has been a place of processing, learning and growing through the hardships and trials of the last two years.  And two weeks ago, I shared that I was in a new place – a better one – even if my footing still felt a little fragile.  So when Tyndale House Publishers graciously provided me a copy of The Louder Song:  Listening for Hope in the Midst of Lament by Aubrey Sampson, it piqued my interest.  But my honest thought was that I didn’t really need this as my disposition toward God and my family’s situation was improved.  But I was wrong.  I needed the truths of this book.  And if you don’t currently need this message, at some point you will.

 

I now agree with the author 100% when she wrote, “In my youthful naivete’ I believed that hardships were supposed to be the exception to life, not the rule.  But suffering is not an exception, after all.  It’s not a surprise.  It’s not an interruption to an otherwise easy life.  The older I get, the more I realize that no person is untouched by some level of pain and heartache, big or small.”  I believe we, the global church, have a skewed idea of what it means to “Rejoice in the Lord always“.  And because of it, we are uncomfortable with pain and grief – our own and that of other people.  Laments are an overlooked form of prayer and worship.  In studying the laments of the Bible (Job, David, Jeremiah and more), we learn that laments bridge the gap between “current hopelessness and coming hope”.  There’s hope because “we don’t lament to a void.  We lament to the God who wants our laments.”

 

What is lament?  A pouring out of our hearts to God.  It’s an invitation to stop pretending we don’t suffer, to stop avoiding our big feelings and let go of control.  Most believers in Jesus Christ, and even some non-believers know that God is not an agent of pain, evil or death.  But in this broken world, we need to be able to admit that it’s often hard to make sense of a God who is able to stop pain, evil or death and sometimes doesn’t.  So how are these types of questions…the “why’s?”, the “how longs?”, the “where are you’s?” worship?  Because we still take them to God.  “Lament is the art of trusting God no matter what he gives, no matter what he takes.” 

When we cry out to God, we trust Him with our feelings, even as we struggle to trust Him with the circumstance. 

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“You get to feel what you feel and don’t have to try to force yourself to transcend the moment as you lament.  In fact, you don’t have to do much; just let him love you – you and all your mixed emotions, too.  God’s love will transform you.”

 

God is big enough to handle our doubts and frustrations.  He isn’t one bit threatened.  He created our finite minds, in fact.  It’s true that He wants our worship, but not just for worship sake.  He wants us to come to revere Him and honor Him because we know Him and His character.  That takes experience with Him and it means relationship with Him.  “If we never acknowledge our pain to God, we will never truly know what it means to praise him on the other side of suffering.  It is in our honest crying out to God about our pain that our worship of God grows more authentic…Lament is part of the rhythm of a deepening relationship with him.”

 

True confession:  When I read non-fiction books, I never read the questions in the back of the book that are sometimes included for groups.  This subject matter was so interesting to me that I read and wrote out answers to every one.  I found catharsis and incredible wisdom – even in the appendix.  I am not overstating the importance of this book to say when I say that I feel much better equipped to handle my pain and the pain of others after spending time between these pages.

 

*As a reminder, all links are affiliate links and if you purchase anything after clicking on them, I will receive a small commission to help with the costs of operating this blog at no additional cost to you.  Thank you in advance.  

 

 

 

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Grad, Prom and all the Feelings

May 20, 2018 by Lauren 28 Comments

She’s a senior.  My daughter Shelby IS    A   SENIOR.  As the end of the school year races to a close, I’m trying to stay in my feelings.  My temptation is to stuff them down and barrel through this season, but I know this approach will only leave me with bigger, pent-up, frustrated feelings down the road.  So better for me to be open to the emotions as they come:  joy, sadness, pain, loss, frustration and happiness.  I vacillate between them all.  And probably a few I haven’t identified yet.

 

She’s a senior.  But for us, not much will change after graduation.  I was asked by the school to fill out this form for the awards ceremony:

 

These are just 3 of several questions that didn’t offer an answer remotely relating to my girl.  No where to even mark “not applicable”.  I closed the form in frustration.  Uncompleted.  Unsubmitted.  We won’t be going to the awards ceremony.  There is nothing there for us.  After our summer break, Shelby will go right back to high school to the transition program.  And while I am so very thankful for this option for her, it would be dishonest to say that I don’t grieve a “normal” future for her.  She will never go off to college, live on her own, marry or have children.  As we watch others prepare for these milestones, and as we anticipate our younger daughter doing the same in just a few years, grief comes anew.  Instead of questionnaires for awards ceremonies, I’m filling out forms like this:

so that we can have a current and accurate IQ test for Shelby as we go to court to be appointed her legal guardians at age 18.

While all of this future talk can be a little sad and a little sobering, there are still lots of senior activities to look forward to.  Like this:

 

 

Shelby got to go to prom.  Complete with friends, a corsage and a limo!  I am so very grateful to the Best Buddies organization and an especially sweet and loving group of kids who have a heart for the differently abled.  I believe I scared a poor 17 year old when I hugged her and shed way to many tears on her formal attire to thank her for including my girl.

 

On Monday, Shelby gets to do an elementary walk.  This tradition takes the seniors back to their first school in graduation gowns to walk the halls and see all their old teachers.  She gets to participate in Baccalaureate – a religious service for the graduates (having already been presented in our own church on Senior Recognition Sunday).  On the the last day of school, Chuck and I will get to join other parents and friends lining the halls of the high school to Clap Out the seniors as they exit the building for the last time.  Then she will help round out the Best Buddies team for field day!  And finally she will get to walk across the stage with the help of her teacher and favorite paraprofessional to receive her diploma with her classmates.  So much she does get to do.  So much fun!

 

So although I am allowing myself to feel whatever comes, today I feel grateful.  Today I am choosing to celebrate the “lasts” with this sweet baby – even if there are no exciting “firsts” to follow.  Today, I am hugging my daughter close and telling her how proud I am that she is made in the image of our incredible God.  And today, I thank Him for allowing me to mother such an incredible gift.  Today I praise God because Shelby is “fearfully and wonderfully made”.  (Psalm 139:14)

CONGRATULATIONS TO SHELBY AND THE CLASS OF 2018

 

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About Me

I love Jesus, my husband and caffeine. The order of these can change depending on how tired I am. When my two daughters, stepson, and 4 grandchildren get to be too much, I practice yoga. God graciously allows me to share our adventures, victories and flub-ups from my laptop. May He be glorified here.
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