The cry for tolerance has long been a plea for groups feeling oppressed and marginalized. For hundreds of years, religions, economic classes, political parties, and racial and ethnic minorities, and more recently – the LGBTQ+ community – have asked for freedoms and forbearance from the majority of society. As a teenager and into my young adult years, I grew to hate the word tolerance. The root word TOLERATE left a bad taste in my mouth. I thought I could either “like” someone or “tolerate” them, but I couldn’t do both. Almost as if “tolerate” and “disdain” were first cousins.
I’m not sure how I arrived at my skewed interpretation. Maybe it’s because I only ever heard the word bandied about in circles of hatred. Maybe because each occurence of it in the news involved protests or violence or the like. But somewhere along the way I decided I would never say I tolerate anyone. I loved everyone – whether we agreed or not. That was that. And I felt like a much better Christian because of it.
In our current, volatile, easily offendable climate we seem to have forgotten some basics. Like how to love, how to disagree, and even how to converse. People and groups of all walks of life wish to be seen and heard – but don’t offer the same courtesy. We all want people to see through the same lenses we wear. And since the bulk of our communication is done by computer or phone, we no longer have to look at someone and see his or her pain and frustration.
To love is to agree. That seems to be today’s unspoken mantra. We vilify those who see things differently in this country and rarely try to walk a mile in anyone else’s shoes. In A Practical Guide to Culture: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Today’s World, the authors refer to this as ad hominem fallacy – attacking the person rather than the argument.
Brett Kunkle, one of the authors of the book, spoke at my church recently. He gave this definition of tolerate – “to recognize and respect others beliefs without sharing them”. I found a similar explanation on thefreedictionary.com. “To recognize and respect (the rights, beliefs, and practices of others).” I searched several dictionaries, and more negative definitions exist, but I prefer this one. Tolerance assumes there IS some disagreement. And yet respect and recognition coincide with it. All people are created equal. We are all image bearers of the Creator. “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27 NASB All ideas and behaviors, however, are not necessarily equal. So as long as there are people, we will have differences of opinion.
We need to once again embrace the idea that debates can be civil. Love and disagreement can lay side by side…in the same bed…under the same roof. We need to recognize that one belief or characteristic does not a whole person make. Just because you vote differently than I do, does not mean I can’t see that you are kind and generous and fun to be with. And just because our socio-economic backgrounds are like night and day doesn’t mean you aren’t smart and dependable and humble. My race, class, religion, sex, family status or sexual orientation are not the whole of who I am. And they don’t define you either.
“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body [a]to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 NASB
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How I miss civil discourse in our society . . . Yes, we can choose to love others without necessarily agreeing with them on issues, that I’ve always believed. It’s when I’m judged by my views, not my person, that I’m saddened. Praying that God would help us all see the light.
Blessings, Lauren!
I agree! So tired of seeing people vilified over a stance.
I couldn’t agree more. Sadly, I think a lot of people love the drama that is caused when they are someone isn’t tolerant. I always want to look at both sides and not everyone is going to agree on everything. Love and kindness is always the most important thing to remember.
Carrie
curlycraftymom.com
I think you are right. Some people do just love drama, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why.
Agreed! Because most people really don’t enjoy disagreement, we are often not taught how to effectively communicate when disagreement arises. Sadly, this causes many to revert to childish behavior. We need to teach people that disagreement is normal. We need to teach people that is a chance to learn something new. We need to teach how to courteously discuss differing points of view.
I enjoy talking to people with differing points of view. I sincerely want to know why someone thinks what they do. But so often, just the fact that we don’t agree frightens people away from the conversation, or they decide name-calling is the best way to communicate their point of view.
Disagreement is normal! And I agree with you that it’s interesting to engage people who think and believe differently. What a dull world mine would be if I didn’t.
Amen, Sister! Thank you for this much-needed point of view, Lauren. We don’t have to agree with someone to love them. As a matter of fact, I disagree with my hubby often (mostly over little stuff), but I love him from the bottom of my heart! 🙂
Good point, Laurie!
I would love for debates to be civil too. Sometimes I’m shocked at how quickly online conversations in particular, can get so volatile.
It hasn’t ceased to amaze me yet, Marva.
I agree, there are many definitions of the word tolerate, and I don’t think it’s always a bad thing to tolerate something! I admire those who fight for what they believe in and to be granted the same rights and freedoms as others. Love is, as you said, the most important thing 🙂
Hope that you are having a lovely weekend 🙂
Thank you for reading, Mica.
How true! Yep, as long as there are people, we will have differences of opinion.
Unfortunately, the virtue of tolerance is not abundant in the world of today and the world is in desperately in need of it.
#GlobalBlogging
Agreed Veronica. Thanks for weighing in.
Lauren, this is brilliant! I was exactly like you…I abhorred the word tolerance because of the negative connotation associated with it. You are right, it is usually used by people who are in a mode of hatred and they have skewed our interpretation of that word. I have been choosing to use the word acceptance in place of tolerance, but I love the way you have explained this. I think I can begin to re-love the word tolerance as well.
The rest of your message here is equally brilliant. Love and disagreement can exist in the same place at the same time. Having open and honest and respectful conversations and discussions is the key to finding a more peaceful existence. I am struggling with understanding why so many people are incapable of that. But I will keep working at spreading my love and kindness with an openness and no judgments.
Such a great post! Thank you for writing it!
Shelbee
http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com
Thank you so much Shelbee. And you are sooooo good at spreading love and kindness! I am grateful.
Hate the sin but love the sinner, even if we are tolerant of people, there are those who will still call it hatred, on both sides.
I wish you weren’t right, Rebecca, but you are.
I love this Lauren, “Love and disagreement can lay side by side…in the same bed…under the same roof.” We CAN love without agreeing.
Pinned & tweeted.
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
Yes, Patsy. We must get this message out!
Well put and definitely got me thinking X #bloggerclubuk
Thank you, Sam.
Hi Lauren! It’s so nice to “meet” you here in the blog-o-sphere (found you on Shelbee’s blog). Thank you for so eloquently expressing the thoughts into word that I struggle to express. True discussion sharpens us, helps us understand the heart of another and can bring on mutual respect. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger…” That’s not as easy as it sounds, is it? lol Have a great weekend.
Chrissy
Granola & Grace
Thank you so much for your thoughts here, Chrissy. Discussion does sharpen us.
Very good and I could not agree more. I teach my kids to respect everyone no matter what walk of life they are from. We are all creations of God and he loved all of us enough to send his son for ALL of us. If God loves them we should also. Loving means respecting.
Loving does mean respecting. Even if we don’t agree. Thank you, Angela.