Lauren Sparks

The Sparks Notes

  • Home
  • About
  • Favorites
  • Policies
  • Contact

Why I Re-Love the Word Tolerance

September 12, 2019 by Lauren 26 Comments

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

The cry for tolerance has long been a plea for groups feeling oppressed and marginalized.  For hundreds of years, religions, economic classes, political parties, and racial and ethnic minorities, and more recently – the LGBTQ+ community –  have asked for freedoms and forbearance from the majority of society.  As a teenager and into my young adult years, I grew to hate the word tolerance.  The root word TOLERATE left a bad taste in my mouth.  I thought I could either “like” someone or “tolerate” them, but I couldn’t do both.  Almost as if “tolerate” and “disdain” were first cousins.

 

I’m not sure how I arrived at my skewed interpretation.  Maybe it’s because I only ever heard the word bandied about in circles of hatred.  Maybe because each occurence of it in the news involved protests or violence or the like.  But somewhere along the way I decided I would never say I tolerate anyone.  I loved everyone – whether we agreed or not.  That was that.  And I felt like a much better Christian because of it.

 

In our current, volatile, easily offendable climate we seem to have forgotten some basics.  Like how to love, how to disagree, and even how to converse.  People and groups of all walks of life wish to be seen and heard – but don’t offer the same courtesy.  We all want people to see through the same lenses we wear.  And since the bulk of our communication is done by computer or phone, we no longer have to look at someone and see his or her pain and frustration.

 

To love is to agree.  That seems to be today’s unspoken mantra.  We vilify those who see things differently in this country and rarely try to walk a mile in anyone else’s shoes.  In A Practical Guide to Culture:  Helping the Next Generation Navigate Today’s World, the authors refer to this as ad hominem fallacy – attacking the person rather than the argument.

 

Brett Kunkle, one of the authors of the book, spoke at my church recently.  He gave this definition of tolerate – “to recognize and respect others beliefs without sharing them”.  I found a similar explanation on thefreedictionary.com.  “To recognize and respect (the rights, beliefs, and practices of others).”  I searched several dictionaries, and more negative definitions exist, but I prefer this one.  Tolerance assumes there IS some disagreement.  And yet respect and recognition coincide with it.  All people are created equal.  We are all image bearers of the Creator.  “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”  Genesis 1:27 NASB  All ideas and behaviors, however, are not necessarily equal.  So as long as there are people, we will have differences of opinion.  

 

We need to once again embrace the idea that debates can be civil.  Love and disagreement can lay side by side…in the same bed…under the same roof.  We need to recognize that one belief or characteristic does not a whole person make.  Just because you vote differently than I do, does not mean I can’t see that you are kind and generous and fun to be with.  And just because our socio-economic backgrounds are like night and day doesn’t mean you aren’t smart and dependable and humble.  My race, class, religion, sex, family status or sexual orientation are not the whole of who I am.  And they don’t define you either.

 

Are you a tolerant person?

Click To Tweet

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body [a]to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.”  1 Corinthians 13:1-3 NASB

 

Sharing is caring! If you liked this post, do me the huge honor of sharing it to your favorite social media accounts. And if you want to make sure you don’t miss anything, subscribe!

 

And look up these great writers I link up with every week:

InstaEncouragements, Literacy Musing Mondays, Hello…Monday,

Dream Team link up, The Good. The Random. The Fun.

BloggerClubUK, Tea and Word Tuesday, Purposeful Faith,

GraceFull Tuesday Link-Up, Different Dream,

Let’s Have Coffee, Welcome Wednesday, Recharge Wednesday,

Worth Beyond Rubies, #TellHisStory Link Up, Porch Stories,

Encouraging Word Wednesday, Tune In Thursday,

Stories of Hope, Moments of Hope, IHeart Verse Link Party,

A Blogging Good Time, Fresh Market Friday, Feature Friday Time,

Friendship Friday Blog Hop, Faith on Fire, Traffic Jam Weekend,

Faith ‘n Friends, Dancing with Jesus, Grace & Truth, Booknificent

 

Lastly, my posts may contain affiliate links. If you purchase anything from one of these links, I will receive a few pennies to help offset the cost of this website at no additional charge to you. Thank you in advance for your help.

Share this:

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: Christian, justice, love, race Tagged With: Brett Kunkle, culture, disagreement, LGBTQ+, tolerance, tolerate

Comments

  1. Martha J Orlando says

    September 13, 2019 at 12:17 pm

    How I miss civil discourse in our society . . . Yes, we can choose to love others without necessarily agreeing with them on issues, that I’ve always believed. It’s when I’m judged by my views, not my person, that I’m saddened. Praying that God would help us all see the light.
    Blessings, Lauren!

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 13, 2019 at 12:59 pm

      I agree! So tired of seeing people vilified over a stance.

      Reply
  2. Carrie @ Curly Crafty Mom says

    September 14, 2019 at 12:36 am

    I couldn’t agree more. Sadly, I think a lot of people love the drama that is caused when they are someone isn’t tolerant. I always want to look at both sides and not everyone is going to agree on everything. Love and kindness is always the most important thing to remember.

    Carrie
    curlycraftymom.com

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 17, 2019 at 2:32 am

      I think you are right. Some people do just love drama, but I can’t for the life of me figure out why.

      Reply
  3. Michelle says

    September 14, 2019 at 6:24 pm

    Agreed! Because most people really don’t enjoy disagreement, we are often not taught how to effectively communicate when disagreement arises. Sadly, this causes many to revert to childish behavior. We need to teach people that disagreement is normal. We need to teach people that is a chance to learn something new. We need to teach how to courteously discuss differing points of view.

    I enjoy talking to people with differing points of view. I sincerely want to know why someone thinks what they do. But so often, just the fact that we don’t agree frightens people away from the conversation, or they decide name-calling is the best way to communicate their point of view.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 17, 2019 at 2:30 am

      Disagreement is normal! And I agree with you that it’s interesting to engage people who think and believe differently. What a dull world mine would be if I didn’t.

      Reply
  4. Laurie says

    September 14, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    Amen, Sister! Thank you for this much-needed point of view, Lauren. We don’t have to agree with someone to love them. As a matter of fact, I disagree with my hubby often (mostly over little stuff), but I love him from the bottom of my heart! 🙂

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 17, 2019 at 2:29 am

      Good point, Laurie!

      Reply
  5. Marva | SunSparkleShine says

    September 15, 2019 at 2:01 am

    I would love for debates to be civil too. Sometimes I’m shocked at how quickly online conversations in particular, can get so volatile.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 17, 2019 at 2:28 am

      It hasn’t ceased to amaze me yet, Marva.

      Reply
  6. Mica says

    September 15, 2019 at 4:49 am

    I agree, there are many definitions of the word tolerate, and I don’t think it’s always a bad thing to tolerate something! I admire those who fight for what they believe in and to be granted the same rights and freedoms as others. Love is, as you said, the most important thing 🙂

    Hope that you are having a lovely weekend 🙂

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 17, 2019 at 2:28 am

      Thank you for reading, Mica.

      Reply
  7. Veronica Lee says

    September 17, 2019 at 3:31 am

    How true! Yep, as long as there are people, we will have differences of opinion.
    Unfortunately, the virtue of tolerance is not abundant in the world of today and the world is in desperately in need of it.

    #GlobalBlogging

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 17, 2019 at 3:19 pm

      Agreed Veronica. Thanks for weighing in.

      Reply
  8. Shelbee on the Edge says

    September 18, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    Lauren, this is brilliant! I was exactly like you…I abhorred the word tolerance because of the negative connotation associated with it. You are right, it is usually used by people who are in a mode of hatred and they have skewed our interpretation of that word. I have been choosing to use the word acceptance in place of tolerance, but I love the way you have explained this. I think I can begin to re-love the word tolerance as well.

    The rest of your message here is equally brilliant. Love and disagreement can exist in the same place at the same time. Having open and honest and respectful conversations and discussions is the key to finding a more peaceful existence. I am struggling with understanding why so many people are incapable of that. But I will keep working at spreading my love and kindness with an openness and no judgments.

    Such a great post! Thank you for writing it!

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 18, 2019 at 11:16 pm

      Thank you so much Shelbee. And you are sooooo good at spreading love and kindness! I am grateful.

      Reply
  9. Rebecca Jones says

    September 18, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    Hate the sin but love the sinner, even if we are tolerant of people, there are those who will still call it hatred, on both sides.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 19, 2019 at 1:43 am

      I wish you weren’t right, Rebecca, but you are.

      Reply
  10. Patsy Burnette says

    September 19, 2019 at 11:56 am

    I love this Lauren, “Love and disagreement can lay side by side…in the same bed…under the same roof.” We CAN love without agreeing.

    Pinned & tweeted.

    Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 19, 2019 at 5:16 pm

      Yes, Patsy. We must get this message out!

      Reply
  11. sam says

    September 20, 2019 at 7:44 am

    Well put and definitely got me thinking X #bloggerclubuk

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 20, 2019 at 11:57 pm

      Thank you, Sam.

      Reply
  12. Chrissy says

    September 20, 2019 at 11:28 am

    Hi Lauren! It’s so nice to “meet” you here in the blog-o-sphere (found you on Shelbee’s blog). Thank you for so eloquently expressing the thoughts into word that I struggle to express. True discussion sharpens us, helps us understand the heart of another and can bring on mutual respect. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger…” That’s not as easy as it sounds, is it? lol Have a great weekend.

    Chrissy
    Granola & Grace

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 20, 2019 at 11:59 pm

      Thank you so much for your thoughts here, Chrissy. Discussion does sharpen us.

      Reply
  13. Angela Johnson says

    September 20, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    Very good and I could not agree more. I teach my kids to respect everyone no matter what walk of life they are from. We are all creations of God and he loved all of us enough to send his son for ALL of us. If God loves them we should also. Loving means respecting.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      September 21, 2019 at 12:02 am

      Loving does mean respecting. Even if we don’t agree. Thank you, Angela.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Let’s Connect

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter

About Me

I love Jesus, my husband and caffeine. The order of these can change depending on how tired I am. When my two daughters, stepson, and 4 grandchildren get to be too much, I practice yoga. God graciously allows me to share our adventures, victories and flub-ups from my laptop. May He be glorified here.
Read More

Subscribe for Updates

Enter your information below to receive the latest updates from the blog!

Recent Posts

  • An Election Year and Titus
  • Christmas is Over. Now What Do We Do With Jesus?
  • Thankful Thursday
  • Going Forward with Some Changes
  • First Friday Prayers: 2 Corinthians 12:10

Find Devotionals By Me in These Books and Click on Image for Order Information!

A 25-Week Bible Study with Topics from Abide to Zeal
A 26 week journey to a better prayer life.
30 devotionals for faith that moves mountains

For Sharing

Lauren Sparks

Like Podcasts? I’m on This One

…and This One! click to listen.

Click below to get a free trial of my favorite technology monitoring platform

Need More Than Just Monitoring? Find Filters and Accountability Here

Search This Site

Categories

Archives

Copyright © 2025 Lauren Sparks | Design by Traci Michele | Development by MRM

Stop!  Don't Miss Out!

I have a brand new e-book.  This was Not On My Bingo Card:  Essays on Cancer and Related Surprises is available to you FREE by simply subscribing to my blog!  

Invalid email address
I promise not to spam you. You can unsubscribe at any time.
Thanks for subscribing!