The past few months I’ve been sharing what God is teaching me about rest. Rest is my one word focus for 2022, and it has opened up a whole can of worms. I keep writing about this journey largely because I don’t think I’m the only one who struggles with rest. Resting our bodies, resting our minds, resting in the Lord. And this month my lessons on rest landed squarely on this question: What should we do with “should”?
I have been “shoulding” all over the place. And I really had no idea how often I “should”, but now that I’m aware, I’m letting you into my sickness. Let me stop and define exactly what I’m talking about. There are “shoulds” in our lives that definitely SHOULD be (pun intended). We SHOULD follow the laws governing our country. Second, we SHOULD honor our commitments. We SHOULD be faithful to our spouses, do the job we were hired to do with excellence and care well for the children and/or possessions God has entrusted to us. And we SHOULD abide by God’s Word. As a contributing member of society and practicing Christian, there are some things we SHOULD do.
However, many of our “shoulds” we impose upon ourselves. At least I do, and I have a feeling I’m not alone. Right now, learning to rest looks like releasing some of my self-imposed “shoulds”.
What are Self-Imposed “Shoulds”?
For example, I love to read. But in the name of productivity, I usually only allow myself this luxury in bed right before I go to sleep. This = not much time to read. So I went to the library yesterday and checked out a huge, heavy, hard-backed coffee table book I’ve had on my list. There is no way that book is fitting in the bed with my husband and me – even though we sleep in a king! I will have to read it sitting up in a chair. So if I want to finish it before the due date, I will take a break from chores and projects to read during the day.
Do you think I’m crazy yet? If not, let’s talk about reading some more. I love novels, but I also like learning through non-fiction. I’m drawn to books about defending the faith, mental health, race in America, issues faced by myself or my loved ones, and many other things. So in the interest of making my reading time count, I have believed I SHOULD alternate between fiction and non-fiction. Except that some of those non-fiction books have been weighing me down lately. And since I’ve realized that fun is rest to me, I gave myself permission (are you hearing this?) to put some books on hold that I think I SHOULD read to make room for what I really enjoy reading. At least in this season.
More “Shoulds” I SHOULD Dump
Are you getting a picture of the prison “should” became for me? Let’s keep going. I enjoy podcasts. Or do I? I subscribe to a couple that make me laugh. But most of the ones in my feed are of a more informative nature. Things I think I SHOULD listen to. Topics I SHOULD learn more about. In this we reach the depths of my disordered thinking. It stresses me out when my podcast list backs up with episodes I haven’t finished yet. Something that I used to enjoy has morphed into a chore to check off my list. These tools no longer serve me, I serve them. To the point that I no longer allowed myself to listen to music because I had episodes to check off.
So I unsubscribed to some podcasts – good podcasts that I have learned from. And I gave myself permission (again with this?) to save others until later in favor of my favorites now. I actually thought I SHOULD listen to them in date order. But since releasing this “should”, I even listen to music sometimes. Singing releases feel-good endorphins. And I need all of those I can get.
None of this means I will cease to be a student of things that are important to me and mine – and the culture at large. But God is showing me that I had morphed into an all-business kind of gal. And it’s not helping me rest in the Lord. He created us for joy and in the stresses of every day life, I’ve set joy aside. Well, no more.
Did I Share Too Much?
I hope you still consider us friends after this glimpse into my warped mind. I was on my way to becoming a task oriented robot, but with God’s help, I’m learning how to rest from my self-imposed “shoulds”. Are there any “shoulds” in your life that are just not necessary? What SHOULD you eliminate to find more rest or joy. Let me know in the comments below to continue the conversation.
And now for this week’s featured post from the link up.
I could not decide on a single post to feature this week, so I’m bringing you 3! First, Michele Morin and I have been on similar journeys with rest and I can’t say enough about what I absorbed from Embrace a Life of Restful Exertion to Counteract a Self-Help Culture. Amy Jung hit the nail on the head for me with the reason I am focusing on rest with Do I Practically Live as if I Don’t Trust God in Certain Situations? And last, Lisa Burgess, my partner at Grace and Truth spoke to my doubts and insecurities with Is There a Future in Blogging? 14 Reasons to Keep Writing Your Blog. And there’s a book giveaway attached to this last one! Check out all of these amazing writers. And thanks everyone for linking up with Grace and Truth.
The Link Up
1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.
2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.
3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).
We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.
MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
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LAUREN SPARKS
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LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
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TAMMY KENNINGTON – Restoring hope. Pursuing peace.
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Now Let’s Link Up!
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I also enjoyed Amy’s and Lisa’s posts! Thanks so much for putting me in such great company!
It was my pleasure to share this post all over, Michele!
“Something that I used to enjoy has morphed into a chore to check off my list.” I so understand that! “Shoulding” on ourselves just leaves us feeling defeated, doesn’t it? Thank you for this reminder to pay attention to our “shoulds” throughout our day, and slay them with God’s grace and a joyful noise.
Thanks for being so kind about the lessons I’m learning, Lynn. I only hope they help others like me!
Sharing your “shoulds” helped me feel more normal…I think! 🙂
Seriously–I think it can be an eye opener if we allow your honesty to touch our hearts to see what we do to ourselves. Thank you for being honest! Thank you for featuring my post!
Thanks for making me feel more normal, Amy. And it was my pleasure to feature your words.
You certainly did NOT share to much. After reading this I discovered that my warped “shoulds” are right there with you my friend. This>”Something that I used to enjoy has morphed into a chore to check off my list.” Hit me like a ton of bricks, realizing That’s Me too! With many of the things you mentioned and so much more. Thank you for sharing this because I feel now that I “Intentionally ” need to assess and clean out my “shoulds”.
Visiting you from G&T
Thank you, Paula, for letting me know this was helpful. It means so much to me.
This was amazing and it resonated LOUDLY with me! Thank you! I may have to re-think the pattern I’m following (or creating!)😂
I’m so grateful it was helpful, Margie. Thank you for letting me know. Saying a prayer right now that God will reveal to you what works and what doesn’t!
After reading Paula’s post about “shoulds” I knew I has to stop by & read the words that inspired her.
Oh my, how did I not realize how often I pile guilt/shame on myself and others just by uttering that mean little word.
Thank you for the wake up call.
I don’t know about Paula’s post! Jumping over right now!
Lauren, this is brilliant and your mind is not at all warped. I think your mind is operating in a similar way as everyone else who commented on this post! Everything you wrote resonated with me as well. The part about reading and choosing books, in particular. I often burden myself with lists of topics that I should be reading about and I often view reading as something that should always educate me. I also have to give myself permission to read something that is purely for entertainment’s sake. And I also have to make time to do it. Life responsibilities are important and there are definitely things that we all should do…but those shoulds are more like musts. We should (ha!) be able to complete our “must” lists while also giving ourselves a break from our should lists! Great post!
Shelbee
I’m so glad I’m not the only one! Thanks for making me feel more normal. And I love the way you put that. We have a must list. Good differentiation! Thank you.
Lauren, I “should” on myself too much too. Granted, like you say, some of our shoulds are good and necessary. But there are several that are only self-imposed and need tweaking.
I’m glad you’re making time to read a book actually sitting in a chair! lol. It is a luxury, I know! I do a lot of reading in bed as well and it’s so easy to fall asleep that way. 🙂
And I’m with you on the podcast backlog too. Ugh. Mine is horrible. I don’t want to miss out on anything good, but it’s not worth the stress. I have unsubscribed to several too, and deleted a lot of episodes. But I still need to delete a lot more.
Thanks for sharing my blogaversary post. Paula Short won the giveaway!
Unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy my big book for chair reading. Another thing I’m learning to do – let go of a book I’m not enjoying! I’m glad I’m not the only one with the blog compulsion!