Lauren Sparks

The Sparks Notes

An Update on Trust – One Word 2021

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Back in January, I shared my One Word focus for the year.  Trust.  I knew I lacked trust in our all-powerful God, so His leading in this direction did not surprise me.  I trust Him with my eternal salvation but not with the care and keeping of myself and my loved ones.  Not truly.  It makes no sense, but I have a feeling I’m not the only one.

 

I have some significant lessons I feel led to share with you, but I confess I’m not sure how to do so.  The biggest issue that I pray and plead with God about is not my story alone to tell.  So out of respect, I must be vague.  I value authenticity and wish I could be completely forthcoming, but I hope you will understand.  And I pray the message still comes across.  Here goes:

 

I shared several scriptures on trust in my original One Word post.  In the months since, I have been a faithful scribe, copying them in longhand almost every day for meditation and memorization purposes.  I have prayed fervently for God to take away this burden of distrust and help me place all the things in His capable hands.  And yet I still hold on.

 

What do I mean by distrust?  Uncontrollable shaking every time I got a phone call about the situation.  Mini panic attacks (never had those before).  Medication to sleep after learning new information.  Heavy anxiety.  No peace whatsoever.  Until God took my knowledge of the issue away.

 

God must have decided that if I couldn’t release the reigns to Him, He would take away any semblance of control I thought I had.  No more new information coming in.  No way to assert my opinions or even the truth of God’s Word into the situation.  I argued with Him.  (Of course, I did.)  How will I know when there’s a new development?  Who else will speak truth into this mess?

 

And in His kind way, God whispered, “I will speak truth into the mess.”  and “I love them even more than you do.”  and “I can handle it.”  I confess that this initially caused me additional anxiety.  But if I’m honest, I also felt relief.  I can’t know.  I can’t do.  I can only pray and be.

 

I prayed for God to help me trust Him and He has delivered.  Not the way I intended, but he did answer that prayer.  He told me in no uncertain terms that he could do this without my help.  And in the absence of information, my anxiety has plummeted.  God forced my obedience, and I thank Him.

 

I still pray daily for this situation.  And I am under no delusions that said situation will turn out the way I want.  But I can have some semblance of rest and peace that God is in control of it.  I need not interfere.  And in the end, He will make all things right.  It’s a promise.

 

My word for the year is TRUST.  And God is forcing me to do so.  Praise the Lord!

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God is our refuge and strength,
    a very presentb]”>[b]”>bb]”>] help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
    though the mountains tremble at its swelling.   Psalm 46:1-3

 

And now for this week’s featured post from the link up.

 

Sarah J Cullen for candidlychristian.com made me think about a very familiar scripture in a whole new way in Reconcile Like Jesus.  Give it a read and tell me I’m not the only one!  Thanks, Sarah.

 

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Mental Health and Me

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Mental health awareness monthYou might already know that May is Mental Health Awareness Month.  Regardless of your knowledge of or experience with the subject, news reports have been telling us for months that the pandemic has done a number on us.  In the last year and a half, my family has been shaken down in ways I can’t describe by mental illness.  We represent several different diagnosis on different branches of our tree that range in severity and scope.  Because my story is the only one that belongs to me, I want to share that one here.

 

I have, at times, struggled with depression and am currently plagued by anxiety.  The main struggle that has consumed me since childhood?  Subclinical eating disorders.  I battle compulsive overeating, and at one time, used exercise anorexia to cope.  These issues stem from the need I feel to avoid pain or negative feelings.  On the advise of a doctor, medication and professional counseling have been a valuable part of my journey.

 

I recently came across a writing challenge from fellow blogger Ang called, A Thank You Letter to My Body.  Her instructions:  “Write a thank you note to your body.  Be as open and honest as you want to be.  Include at least 3 things your body does that you appreciate.”  I knew right away that I needed to write this letter at this time.  I write for my mental health in hopes that it inspires you to examine any issues you may be experiencing.  .

 

To My Body,

I know you think I’m mad at you.  I mistreat you and say horrible things to you.  For that, and so many other things, I’m sorry.  I admit that the insults and criticism I hurl at you, I really mean.  But that’s wrong.  It’s time for a change of heart.  It’s time I show you the respect you deserve.

Your build – strong and athletic – allows me to continue teaching yoga.  I love that job.  I sometimes overworked and expected too much of you.  My injuries prove that.  But you keep on going.  You fought cancer for me.  Over four years ago, you kicked it to the curb.  How can I thank you for allowing me to continue raising my children?  You care for my family well.  These strong legs stand for long periods of time while I iron clothes, shop for groceries and cook dinner.  Your strong arms lift grandkids, push the lawn mower and care for my Shelby.  For these things and so many others, I thank you.

You do so much for me that I’m not even aware of.  I wish I had been kinder to you.  I’ve fed you junk and ignored your needs too often.  And the yo-yo dieting tortured and confused you.  Please forgive me for treating you like an enemy instead of the friend that you are.  My displaced anger is unwarranted and unfair.

God says you are wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  A gift from Him.  It’s time I started acting like it.

I love you,

Me

 

Thank you for allowing me to share this cathartic exercise with you.  I accepted this challenge, and now I want to offer one.  Examine your heart and mind.  If you are struggling to cope, talk to your doctor or another trusted individual who can point you to the appropriate resources.  And if you’ve already taken these steps, share your journey when you feel it is safe and appropriate.  You could destigmatize mental illness and help someone else.  But if you fear that you or someone you know might hurt themselves or someone else, call 911 immediately.

 

And now for this week’s featured link up post.

 

I loved Maryleigh Bucher’s Muddy Chess Bars, Not Giving Up.   But don’t just read this post.  Spend a little time on her site.  She mixes faith-building prose, beautiful poetry and scrumptious looking recipes to speak to all kinds of appetites.  Thank you, Maryleigh!

Grace and Truth_Rules

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate)

Grace and Truth_Meet Hosts

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

HEATHER HART & VALERIE RIESE – Candidly Christian
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

Now Let’s Link Up!

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Click here to enter

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