Lauren Sparks

The Sparks Notes

What Should We Do With “Should”?

by 16 Comments

What should we doThe past few months I’ve been sharing what God is teaching me about rest.  Rest is my one word focus for 2022, and it has opened up a whole can of worms.  I keep writing about this journey largely because I don’t think I’m the only one who struggles with rest.  Resting our bodies, resting our minds, resting in the Lord.  And this month my lessons on rest landed squarely on this question:  What should we do with “should”?

 

I have been “shoulding” all over the place.  And I really had no idea how often I “should”, but now that I’m aware, I’m letting you into my sickness.  Let me stop and define exactly what I’m talking about.  There are “shoulds” in our lives that definitely SHOULD be (pun intended).  We SHOULD follow the laws governing our country.  Second, we SHOULD honor our commitments.  We SHOULD be faithful to our spouses, do the job we were hired to do with excellence and care well for the children and/or possessions God has entrusted to us.  And we SHOULD abide by God’s Word.  As a contributing member of society and practicing Christian, there are some things we SHOULD do.

 

However, many of our “shoulds” we impose upon ourselves.  At least I do, and I have a feeling I’m not alone.  Right now, learning to rest looks like releasing some of my self-imposed “shoulds”.

 

What are Self-Imposed “Shoulds”?

 

For example, I love to read.  But in the name of productivity, I usually only allow myself this luxury in bed right before I go to sleep.  This = not much time to read.  So I went to the library yesterday and checked out a huge, heavy, hard-backed coffee table book I’ve had on my list.  There is no way that book is fitting in the bed with my husband and me – even though we sleep in a king!  I will have to read it sitting up in a chair.  So if I want to finish it before the due date, I will take a break from chores and projects to read during the day.What should we do

 

Do you think I’m crazy yet?  If not, let’s talk about reading some more.  I love novels, but I also like learning through non-fiction.  I’m drawn to books about defending the faith, mental health, race in America, issues faced by myself or my loved ones, and many other things.  So in the interest of making my reading time count, I have believed I SHOULD alternate between fiction and non-fiction.  Except that some of those non-fiction books have been weighing me down lately.  And since I’ve realized that fun is rest to me, I gave myself permission (are you hearing this?) to put some books on hold that I think I SHOULD read to make room for what I really enjoy reading.  At least in this season.

 

More “Shoulds” I SHOULD Dump

 

Are you getting a picture of the prison “should” became for me?  Let’s keep going.  I enjoy podcasts.  Or do I?  I subscribe to a couple that make me laugh.  But most of the ones in my feed are of a more informative nature.  Things I think I SHOULD listen to.  Topics I SHOULD learn more about.  In this we reach the depths of my disordered thinking.  It stresses me out when my podcast list backs up with episodes I haven’t finished yet.  Something that I used to enjoy has morphed into a chore to check off my list.  These tools no longer serve me, I serve them.  To the point that I no longer allowed myself to listen to music because I had episodes to check off.

 

So I unsubscribed to some podcasts – good podcasts that I have learned from.  And I gave myself permission (again with this?) to save others until later in favor of my favorites now.  I actually thought I SHOULD listen to them in date order.  But since releasing this “should”, I even listen to music sometimes.  Singing releases feel-good endorphins.  And I need all of those I can get.

 

None of this means I will cease to be a student of things that are important to me and mine – and the culture at large.  But God is showing me that I had morphed into an all-business kind of gal.  And it’s not helping me rest in the Lord.  He created us for joy and in the stresses of every day life, I’ve set joy aside.  Well, no more.

 

Did I Share Too Much?

 

I hope you still consider us friends after this glimpse into my warped mind.  I was on my way to becoming a task oriented robot, but with God’s help, I’m learning how to rest from my self-imposed “shoulds”.  Are there any “shoulds” in your life that are just not necessary?  What SHOULD you eliminate to find more rest or joy.  Let me know in the comments below to continue the conversation.

 

And now for this week’s featured post from the link up.

 

I could not decide on a single post to feature this week, so I’m bringing you 3!  First, Michele Morin and I have been on similar journeys with rest and I can’t say enough about what I absorbed from Embrace a Life of Restful Exertion to Counteract a Self-Help Culture.  Amy Jung hit the nail on the head for me with the reason I am focusing on rest with Do I Practically Live as if I Don’t Trust God in Certain Situations?  And last,  Lisa Burgess, my partner at Grace and Truth spoke to my doubts and insecurities with Is There a Future in Blogging?  14 Reasons to Keep Writing Your Blog.  And there’s a book giveaway attached to this last one!  Check out all of these amazing writers.  And thanks everyone for linking up with Grace and Truth.

 

The Link Up

 

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

Grace and Truth_Meet Hosts

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

TAMMY KENNINGTON – Restoring hope. Pursuing peace.
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

 Now Let’s Link Up!

 

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Sharing is caring! If you liked this post, do me the huge honor of using the buttons below to share it to your favorite social media accounts. And if you want to get these essays emailed to you once a week, subscribe!  Lastly, my posts may contain affiliate links and I earn from qualifying purchases. If you buy anything from one of these links, I will receive a few pennies to help offset the cost of this website at no additional charge to you. Thank you in advance for your help.

 

Rest (My Word of the Year) is Hard!

by 26 Comments

word of the yearWhere do I start?  Can you relate to rest being hard???   Maybe the word “rest” conjures up images of lounging in a recliner or laying out by the pool.  But if you are anything like me, rest = struggle.  Hence rest picked me as my word for the year.  

 

Here’s how that word continues to change me:

 

Since my daughter Shelby has aged out of the public school system, she now attends a dayhab program.  This leaves me with 2.5 less productive hours in my day.  Her new program has shorter hours and I drive her to and from (she had a bus pick her up in our driveway before).  Minus 2.5 productive hours I have still been attempting to get all of the same things accomplished.  As you can well imagine, it’s not going well.

 

I work a part time job, teach 2 yoga classes and manage our household.  You know, pay the bills, do the laundry and ironing, plan and cook meals, attend to a teenage daughter and do all the shopping.  In addition to those duties, I manage Shelby.  My severely disabled child requires many doctor visits, case manager check-ins, constant supervision, complete care and more paperwork than you could possibly imagine.  And after all of that, I try to write.  When do I rest?

 

This blog and the writing I do are very important to me.  I consider it a big piece of my ministry and spend countless hours and a little chunk of money on it every year.  It birthed in me the dream of writing a book one day.  But this thing that gives me a sense of purpose and joy has become a stressor.  Once I complete the nonnegotiable items every day, there is little to no time left for this.  And it weighs on me.

 

Word of the Year Decisions

 

I considered whether or not I should quit.  Or take an extended break from blogging.  To be real with you, I wondered if my writing even makes any difference.  I brainstormed with my husband on whether my time would be better spent volunteering more at church or a pregnancy center.  Or if I should find additional work to help with the mountain of expenses coming when our 17 year old goes off to college next year.  This last one just isn’t very feasible with the 9:30-2:30 schedule I have available between dayhab drop off and pick up.  Working from home would be ideal if I knew of any reputable opportunities (hit me up if you do).

 

I took a hard look at my priorities and decided that getting a good workout 5 days a week and quality time with God every day ranked higher with me than getting to write every day.  And my Allie Rose is heading into her senior year of high school.  The way I choose to spend my time feels more important than ever in light of this.  I want to be completely present for every single moment.  Missing a concert, play or a plain old Tuesday with her is not an option.  I already told her that I won’t say “no” to anything she asks me to do this next year.  And I want to stand by that.

 

So, I made the decision to keep writing, but cut back.  This choice came with many tears.  I had to admit that the things I’ve been doing to grow my readership (which is necessary for a book contract) aren’t working and I’m spinning my wheels.  Someone wiser than me once said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  I’m no closer to getting a publisher’s attention than when I started.  And I’m sitting with that, leaving myself open to the possibility that it’s not the right time or that God may hold something different for me.  So some of that hustle has to go.

 

All this to say that I’m cutting back to one post a week (on Fridays so I can continue to host the Grace and Truth Link Up).  I’ll also no longer be participating in most of the other blog link ups I’ve religiously kept up with.  I actually quit those a couple of weeks ago and I already miss the engagement of my fellow writers.  Most non-writers don’t comment.  But that’s a sacrifice I must make.

 

Praying God’s Word Wednesday won’t go away completely.  It will morph into a once a month post on Friday because so many of you are faithful to pray scripture with me and I love it.  It may need a different name, though.  Comment below with any ideas.

 

I hope we will still see each other every Friday.  I believe God placed this endeavor on my heart for a reason.  But I also know that this season must be about taking care of my family, my relationship with God and myself first.  And then maybe after all that I’ll have time to rest.  It is my word of the year after all.

 

And now for this week’s featured post from the link up.

 

I couldn’t resist Michele Morin’s post this week on…rest.  Yep.  Check out Finding Rest and Being Satisfied in the Land of See and Trust.

 

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

Grace and Truth_Meet Hosts

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

TAMMY KENNINGTON – Restoring hope. Pursuing peace.
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

Now Let’s Link Up!

 

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

If you liked this post, do me the huge honor of using the buttons below to share it to your favorite social media accounts. And if you want to get these essays emailed to you once a week, subscribe!  Lastly, my posts may contain affiliate links and I earn from qualifying purchases. If you buy anything from one of these links, I will receive a few pennies to help offset the cost of this website at no additional charge to you. Thank you in advance for your help.

 

To find some great places where I might be sharing the story of the espadrille with no will to live, click here.

Categories

Archives