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Learning to Lament

February 14, 2019 by Lauren 36 Comments

The weight of this sad time we must obey;

Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say.  – William Shakespeare, King Lear

 

This blog has been a place of processing, learning and growing through the hardships and trials of the last two years.  And two weeks ago, I shared that I was in a new place – a better one – even if my footing still felt a little fragile.  So when Tyndale House Publishers graciously provided me a copy of The Louder Song:  Listening for Hope in the Midst of Lament by Aubrey Sampson, it piqued my interest.  But my honest thought was that I didn’t really need this as my disposition toward God and my family’s situation was improved.  But I was wrong.  I needed the truths of this book.  And if you don’t currently need this message, at some point you will.

 

I now agree with the author 100% when she wrote, “In my youthful naivete’ I believed that hardships were supposed to be the exception to life, not the rule.  But suffering is not an exception, after all.  It’s not a surprise.  It’s not an interruption to an otherwise easy life.  The older I get, the more I realize that no person is untouched by some level of pain and heartache, big or small.”  I believe we, the global church, have a skewed idea of what it means to “Rejoice in the Lord always“.  And because of it, we are uncomfortable with pain and grief – our own and that of other people.  Laments are an overlooked form of prayer and worship.  In studying the laments of the Bible (Job, David, Jeremiah and more), we learn that laments bridge the gap between “current hopelessness and coming hope”.  There’s hope because “we don’t lament to a void.  We lament to the God who wants our laments.”

 

What is lament?  A pouring out of our hearts to God.  It’s an invitation to stop pretending we don’t suffer, to stop avoiding our big feelings and let go of control.  Most believers in Jesus Christ, and even some non-believers know that God is not an agent of pain, evil or death.  But in this broken world, we need to be able to admit that it’s often hard to make sense of a God who is able to stop pain, evil or death and sometimes doesn’t.  So how are these types of questions…the “why’s?”, the “how longs?”, the “where are you’s?” worship?  Because we still take them to God.  “Lament is the art of trusting God no matter what he gives, no matter what he takes.” 

When we cry out to God, we trust Him with our feelings, even as we struggle to trust Him with the circumstance. 

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“You get to feel what you feel and don’t have to try to force yourself to transcend the moment as you lament.  In fact, you don’t have to do much; just let him love you – you and all your mixed emotions, too.  God’s love will transform you.”

 

God is big enough to handle our doubts and frustrations.  He isn’t one bit threatened.  He created our finite minds, in fact.  It’s true that He wants our worship, but not just for worship sake.  He wants us to come to revere Him and honor Him because we know Him and His character.  That takes experience with Him and it means relationship with Him.  “If we never acknowledge our pain to God, we will never truly know what it means to praise him on the other side of suffering.  It is in our honest crying out to God about our pain that our worship of God grows more authentic…Lament is part of the rhythm of a deepening relationship with him.”

 

True confession:  When I read non-fiction books, I never read the questions in the back of the book that are sometimes included for groups.  This subject matter was so interesting to me that I read and wrote out answers to every one.  I found catharsis and incredible wisdom – even in the appendix.  I am not overstating the importance of this book to say when I say that I feel much better equipped to handle my pain and the pain of others after spending time between these pages.

 

*As a reminder, all links are affiliate links and if you purchase anything after clicking on them, I will receive a small commission to help with the costs of operating this blog at no additional cost to you.  Thank you in advance.  

 

 

 

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One Verse, One Resolution and Hope

January 17, 2019 by Lauren 35 Comments

Photo by Ana Tavares on Unsplash

Although I kinda tried to avoid it, I think I have to do a New Year’s resolution adjacent post.  It’s not really a resolution post because it has been years since I’ve set those (mostly due to lousy follow-thru on my part).  But God and I are working on some things, and in the spirit of authenticity and my own ability to process, I think I need to write about it.  Let me begin by saying that this is all very much a work in progress and I’ve cried many tears already this very day.  I am as tender as the incisions from my recent surgery.  My physical and emotional wounds are painful, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t promoting healing.  I think the waterworks are a sign that my hard heart is softening.

 

I should probably back up a bit.  If you have been reading my blog for any length of time (or you are an IRL friend), you know that the last two years have been tough for my family.  The dark tunnel has seemed darker the last couple of months because I had much hope at the end of last year that we were putting hard times behind us and launching into a fabulous new year.  But 2018 was NOT fabulous and the light at the end of this tunnel looks farther away than ever.  While lots of my friends and fellow authors have picked a word for the year to be their focus and inspiration, I relate to Jami Amerine from Sacred Ground, Sticky Floors when she said, “If I picked a word for the year, it would be obscene, and I try not to cuss.”

 

While swimming the butterfly in a pool of self-pity, I questioned myself  about why my kicks and strokes were drowning me.  And the honest thought I had was, “Well, up until now we’ve lead a pretty charmed life.”  And as soon as that thought crossed over the pathways and synapses of my brain, I said out loud, “WHAT?!  Are you serious?  Charmed?”  From the beginning of our marriage, my husband and I have battled through the fall-out that broken marriages inevitably leave.  We have a severely mentally and physically handicapped adult daughter who will forever be dependent on us.  We dealt with financial woes, life-threatening seizures, my sub-clinical eating disorder and chronic pain.  And yet…I honestly meant that my life, until 2 years ago, was charmed.  But certainly no one else would agree.  How can I really believe that the sum of all those problems equaled roses, but now I have thorns?

 

The only conclusion that makes any sense in this, is that things really haven’t changed.  Some of the individual situations have changed, but in the big picture of our lives, I have trouble now and I had trouble then.  So what is different?  Sigh.  I got tired.  And I allowed my circumstances to change how I viewed God.  I’ve never lost my faith.  I made a decision a long time ago to give my life to God because He gave everything for me.  I’ve never second guessed it.  But somewhere along the way, I let my feelings cloud my vision of what is true.  I stopped feeling in my heart that God showed kindness to me, even when my head knew the truth that He loves me in ways and volumes that I may NEVER understand.

 

A couple of Sundays ago in church, one of our staff ministers quoted 2 Timothy 4:5 NASB “But you, be sober in all things, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”  This verse hit me between the eyes – right where my two eyebrows want to become one.  I’ve stalled myself.  I’ve been waiting (and way too focused, I might add) for our situations to improve.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with praying for that…and hoping for that.  But with the end of hardship and suffering, and not the finished work of Jesus Christ, as the nucleus of my hope, I bought a one-way ticket to personal disappointment and ineffectual ministry.  The passage says I am to “endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”  In my efforts to ESCAPE, rather than endure, hardship, I have neglected the latter two.  And so this becomes my verse for 2019.

 

There’s an old joke about an old couple who saw a much younger couple drive by in a pickup truck.  The pretty girl was sitting in the middle of the truck – as close to the boy as she could get.  The older woman wistfully looks at the space between her husband and herself, saying, “Remember when we used to sit like that?”  Her husband’s response?  “I haven’t moved.” 

God is wooing me with, “I haven’t moved.” “I haven’t changed.”  “I am as kind as I have always been.” 

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In previous efforts to extricate myself from a funk, I picked up the discipline of gratitude journaling.  I still think it’s a good idea, but I think I need to tweak it a little.  Along with writing out 2 Timothy 4:5 every day, I have decided to write about the sweetness of God.  Every day I plan to record one way that God is sweet to me.  Because I need reminding.  I don’t know if, at the end of 2019, I will find my circumstances significantly improved; but I know that if I rehearse God’s word and remind myself how good and kind He is, that by December 31st I’ll be sitting closer to Him than I have in a long time.  That’s a better goal than any other I could dream up.

 

“There’s a private place reserved for the lovers of God, where they sit near him and receive the revelation-secrets of his promises.”  Psalm 25:14 The Passion Translation

 

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About Me

I love Jesus, my husband and caffeine. The order of these can change depending on how tired I am. When my two daughters, stepson, and 4 grandchildren get to be too much, I practice yoga. God graciously allows me to share our adventures, victories and flub-ups from my laptop. May He be glorified here.
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