I thought I would be different.  I had visions of me having no opinions whatsoever of the sports or activities in which my daughter wanted to participate.  In my dreams I was a laid back encourager.  Not overly involved, but always present.  Quietly supporting her as she chased her dreams.  Loose.  Chill.  Totally calm, cool and collected.  And then volleyball happened.

We live in an uber competitive area where you basically have to pay for private club sports from the time your child is tottering to be able to play for your school team.  Having not really understood this, and my daughter teething on a frozen wash rag instead of ball leather, I feel a little lacking and a little not wealthy enough to give her any kind of leg up.  And yet she loves this game.  And I love this game.  I played it.  I coached it.  And therefore, I HAVE NO CHILL.

I had every intension of being a positive, shining example to the other team moms.  But instead, I am embarrassed for anyone but my husband to hear the things that come out of my mouth when she is playing.  Sometimes, I’m even ashamed for him to hear, but he took a vow.  He’s stuck with me.

It’s painful for me that she’s not the best.  That she’s not a starter.  That she doesn’t play select at the highest level.  When her team is stinking it up, I get all riled up and come dangerously close to loosing my mess.  If any of my fellow team moms are now wondering if I have griped and complained about your daughter, the truth is that I have.  But if it makes you feel any better – I have nothing against her.  I am an equal opportunity griper.  I’m so deeply sorry.  And here’s a horrible admission.  It embarrasses me when my child messes up.  And I’m jealous of those who are better.  Did you hear that?  I am jealous of 13 year old girls.  How…utterly…ridiculous.

Every time my girl competes, I am surprised all over again at what comes pouring out of my heart.  What motivates me, who is normally a DELIGHT, to think and act this way?  PRIDE.  And what’s behind this pride?  Deep-seated insecurity.  I wanted to be the best, and now I want it for her.  But at what price?  C.S. Lewis said, “For pride is spiritual cancer:  it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”  I’ve battled physical cancer.  I don’t need the spiritual kind.  The bible tells us, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”  James 4:6 NIV  Opposed by God.  That’s a loosing tournament bracket if ever there was one.

My goal for the next match (motivated by pleasing God and not being pond scum) is to be the world’s okayest sports mom.  A complete transformation may take some time, but I want to take the advice Paul gave to the Philippians.  “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others.”  2:3 NIV

I am joining Kate Motaung and other members of the Five Minute Friday community  for our weekly writing adventure. To learn about Five Minute Friday, click here. This week’s prompt is, “Motivate”.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  Ephesians 4:2 NIV

I did some research on what it means to “bear with” another.  “To bear”- to hold up or support; to lift a burden from another.  I have personally felt the weight of some burdens this year.  If you haven’t seen my 2017 wrap up, you can read it here.  Even though I have so much to be thankful for, my circumstances have often felt heavy.  And when I said I was feeling lonely in it (here), my people really stepped up to love me well.  Initially, the sudden burst of attentions pricked my pride.  My cynical nature tried to keep me in the pit with the belief that others were reaching out to me in pity or guilt.  But when it came down to it,  I had asked for help.  I needed to be able to except it when it came.  So I gave my pride the ol’ heave/ ho and allowed others to minister to me in my sorrow and weakness.  And I could not be more grateful for the kindness and love shown to me and my family.

There are more ways to love someone in the midst of difficulties than there are bottles of beer on the wall.  The possible scenarios are endless.  From the grandiose to the quick and simple, others have held me up and supported me.  If you will indulge me, I would love to share with you – in no particular order – the top ten ways others have been bearing with me in love.

1.  A text asking how I am feeling today.
2.  Gift cards for my husband and I to treat ourselves and facilitate some self-care.
3.  Prayers.
4.  An invitation to watch movies and laugh with a friend in our pj’s.
5.  A gift from coworkers with 25 signatures on the card.
6.  Old friends who took the day off and drove in from out of town just to see me.
7.  Family who are encouraging us to dream.
8.  An acquaintance who takes me to lunch and says, “I don’t want you to walk through this alone.”
9.  A Savior who was born into this broken world to die on a cross and take away my sin and shame.
10.  A God so amazing that He forgives my ingratitude and unfaithfulness and orchestrates all of this to remind me that He has my back.  “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!”  1 John 3:1