• When Taking Care of Your Child Looks Like Something Else

    ByLauren Uncategorized
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    Originally published on July 7, 2013

    If you have known me for less than 5 years, you may not know that my God-given skin tone looks like a ghost…eating mayo…under a flourescent light.  My husband calls it “pasty”.  I prefer the term “porcelain”.  I used a tanning bed for years to look darker, until I started to see visible skin damage.  The older you get, the less invincible you feel – realizing that skin cancer may not just be something other people get.  So now I spray tan.  Recent studies suggest that this may be bad for me too, but at least for now, I feel better about it than fakin’ bakin’.  It’s vane, it’s not the best use of my money; but it makes me feel better about getting up in front of a class in exercise clothes every day.  So I indulge in this bit of high maintenance.  

    My husband knows that because we are in the throws of summer, I have no time to myself for personal errands.  Because of Allie’s age and Shelby’s disabilities, I cannot leave them alone for even a few minutes.  So I am having trouble fitting in my spray tan sessions.  *Gasp*  I know.  End of the first world, right?  Well, my sweet husband has been going out of his way to make sure I can fit this in when he can be with the kids.  It’s not convenient.  It takes away from family time a bit, but he knows that as silly as it is, it’s important to me.  This, my virtual friends, is filling my love tank.  A love tank is a symbolic picture used by counselors and marriage workshops to explain how to keep the home fires burning.  When Chuck is constantly doing thoughtful things for me and saying things that make me feel good, my love tank stays full and I never run out of “love feelings” for him.  He is good at this.  I am trying to keep up with him and fill his tank on a regular basis.  
    As I have mentioned on this blog before, divorce rates in families with a special needs child are insanely high.  Chuck and I believe that one of the best things we can do for Shelby – and our other children – is to take care of our relationship.  Now, I know many single parents out there who are raising their special kiddos on their own.  And hear me when I say that you are my heroes.  God has called you to an important task and he can equip you with everything you need to be both mom and dad.  And I am amazed at what you are able to accomplish and pray for your strength and stamina along the way.  But because I have a supportive and helpful husband, I want to keep him around.  For us, this journey is richer because we are together.  Dating, flirting and acts of service are ways of taking care of our marriage.  But they are also ways of taking care of our children.  
    “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.  For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a

  • Freedom – A Couple of Days Late

    ByLauren Uncategorized
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    Originally published on July 6, 2013

    The stars and stripes, the red, white and blue.  Makes me think of freedom.  Makes me contemplate not only the freedoms we enjoy in our country, but the freedom I have in Christ.  And as is often the case, my thoughts turned to Shelby.  In many ways, she is held prisoner by Dravet Syndrome.  Trapped in a body that doesn’t work right – a sweet, but simple mind.  So what freedoms is she afforded?  What does freedom mean for my little girl?
    1.  Shelby is free from the consequences of sin and death.  Let me express right off the bat, that I realize what I am saying here is a very controversial view point.  But I’m going there anyway.  You won’t find the words “age of accountability” anywhere in the Bible, but I believe the scriptures speak to the concept.  Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the girft of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  All who sin must suffer eternal death separated from God.  But because God loves us, He sent His Son Jesus – the gift mentioned above.  Jesus was without sin, yet He died for all of us.  His death paid the price for our sins.  If we believe this and trust our life to Him, Jesus covers that debt of death so that when we pass from this life, we go on to life eternal with God in heaven.  Shelby has no way to understand this.  She never will.  She is the developmental age of 21 months and that has not changed in years.  Because of this lack of understanding, Shelby is incapable of sin.  When she is doing something wrong, I can tell her “no” and she understands that I mean to stop.  But she does not have the comprehension to understand from day to day that the action is wrong.  She will try it again.  Because of this lack of willful sin, I believe Shelby is closer to God than I will ever be this side of heaven.  And I believe scripture backs me up.  In Matthew 18:3, Jesus says, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.  Whoever humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”  In Mark 10:14 Jesus says, “Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”  When we trust God to forgive us of our sins, we become pure of heart again – like a child.  Shelby is already pure of heart.  So I rest assured that she will be with me in heaven one day.  I treasure Shelby’s innocense and look forward to the day when I will be wholly like her again.  If you don’t agree with my interpretation of scripture on this, that’s ok with me.  Just don’t tell me about it.
    2.  When Shelby reaches the pearly gates one day, she will experience the physical freedom that she doesn’t have here on this broken planet.  She will never have another seizure.  She will be able to praise God in songs and full sentences.  She will run faster than you and jump higher than you.  She won’t have to take medicine or wear braces on her ankles.  She won’t tire easily.  Her weak, sick body will be new.  A glorified body.  Freedom from pain and brokenness.  The hope we have in Christ is limitless.
    Let freedom ring.