The prompt: write on the word “only”. The first thing that came to mind was the song “Only the Lonely” by the Motels.
So hold on here we go
Hold on to nothin’ we know
I feel so lonely
Way up here
I tried to find something else to write on – anything else. But lonely feels like my reality right now. I didn’t know if I could write it. I’m still not sure I can be this raw, especially because I have no bright shiny bow to tie this up. I don’t have a happy ending yet.
The truth is, I have been lonely for connection for months. I am surrounded by people at church, work and school events, but it’s all so surface. Where are the friends I can go deeper with? They feel lost to me now – swept away in a tsunami of circumstances, commitments and busy schedules. And now that my family is going through a hard time, they feel farther away than ever. I am heartbroken and I need someone to come sit on my couch. I need to cry over a cup of coffee or laugh and forget all about it over dinner.
I have tried casual invitations with no success. I guess I need to be more blunt. Just say, “I know you have a lot going on, but I NEED you.” Sigh. But it feels awfully vulnerable to need a friend more than she needs me. I guess deep down I might really be afraid that if I bear my soul, the response would still be, “I’m too busy.”
My prayer: “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” Psalm 25:16
I am joining Kate Motaung and other members of the Five Minute Friday community for our weekly writing adventure. To learn about Five Minute Friday, click here. This week’s prompt is, “Only.”
Jeannie says
December 10, 2017 at 12:38 amThanks for your honest post, Lauren. I had a breakup with my closest friend 3 years ago. I feel I will never have a friendship like that again – that I am destined to just stay on the surface with people. A friend wanted me to join her for lunch, but although I like her, our conversation seemed so superficial. So I really hear and feel what you're saying here. I just know there are others around you who want friendship as much as you; but it can be hard to find them. Earlier this year I was on the launch team for Lisa-Jo Baker's book Never Unfriended; I found it really helpful and encouraging. You might, too. Really glad to connect with you today.
Jeannie says
December 10, 2017 at 12:40 amOh, and I am also a special needs mom, as you are. Maybe we can chat about that sometime.
Sheri Seawright says
December 10, 2017 at 3:51 amHey Lauren! I could use a friend. I’m willing to come meet up with you / talk / pray with you, or just hang out or go somewhere for fun. I don’t think people realize how important this is past Sunday morning church, sometimes. You are more than welcome to come hang out with me too, if you would like. Get outta Dodge and come visit me, in Rockwall, or we could meet up in Dallas.
Leigh says
December 10, 2017 at 1:53 pmWow! As a single it is easy to think and feel I am the only one who experiences and struggles with the "l" word. Hugs to you. I wish I lived closer. Sometimes we do need to be more blunt and sometimes we need to just be the change in someone else's life that we are wanting others to be for us. May God guide you and provide more opportunities for you. Thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to you.Stopping by from FMF.
Lauren Sparks says
December 10, 2017 at 8:13 pmThanks for reaching out. I think it's a universal feeling for most at some time or another. That's why I decided to go ahead and put it out there.
Lauren Sparks says
December 10, 2017 at 8:13 pmThank you for being such a faithful reader, Sheri. Your encouragement means more than you know.
Lauren Sparks says
December 10, 2017 at 8:14 pmIt seems we have a lot in common. Thank you for the book recommendation and for reaching out.
Vicki Johnson says
December 11, 2017 at 1:52 amThank you for your vulnerability. God hears your heart's cry. Keeping you in my prayers. Visiting from #30 FMF
Lauren Sparks says
December 11, 2017 at 2:56 amThank you for reading. And thank you for the prayers.
Sheri Seawright says
December 11, 2017 at 5:57 amLauren, you are such a gifted writer. I love reading your blogs. God is using you to bring awareness to very important things I believe He wants us to consider. Thank you for writing with rawness & expressing what’s on your heart. I’m willing anytime you need to hang out, cry, & I can pray for you, text…. it’s an awful feeling for someone think there’s no one to care. I hope you’re working on some type of book to publish one day! I think you have a lot of life experiences that church members and Christians everywhere should know about to make us stronger, caring, and more aware of needs that are often missed.
Lauren Sparks says
December 12, 2017 at 3:17 amThank you so much for the encouragement.