Lauren Sparks

The Sparks Notes

Becoming a Better Friend

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Friends are my favorite.  Really.  I’ve written about friendship several times before.  My favorite TV show is Friends, I’m currently reading a book about the show “Friends” (I’ll Be There For You:  The One About Friends), my most-loved childhood cartoon is The Fox and the Hound, and nothing fills my oversized coffee mug like time with friends.

 

I’m in a season of life in which I no longer take time with friends for granted.  I seek it out like water in the desert and treasure it when found.  When offered the opportunity to read and review Becoming Gertrude:  How Our Friendships Shape Our Faith, I jumped at the chance.  The subtitle spoke to a seeking part of my soul.  But I was initially disappointed, feeling like this little book misrepresented itself.  I got all the way to the end, closed the cover and thought, “That book wasn’t about friendship at all!  It’s about service!  Oh.” 

A light bulb went off. Maybe that’s the point.

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The author, Janice Peterson, teaches that “you can’t separate caring from service in spiritual friendship”.  It takes time and creativity to be a good friend, but so much growth comes from it.  She says, in fact, that when this kind of hospitality is done well, “you experience something profound.  Something like the Jewish word shalom – a sense of wholeness.”  I was reminded that giving myself away doesn’t have to be a big thing – just an intentional one.  And it requires slowing down.  “Giving people space and a listening ear and heart are often rare in today’s world.  And people are hungry for it, whether they’re aware of it or not.”

 

I confess I’ve been so concerned with what I’ve missed receiving from time with friends that I haven’t really thought about what I’m not giving.  Selfishness works that way, I guess.  When I opened my eyes to those around me I found someone dealing with chronic pain who is weary.  But after spending some time with her, I learned she is also a hoot!  And I saw a church member with no one to drive her home from major surgery and discovered a strong and faithful warrior who encourages me to be better.   When I volunteered to help some friends with a big project – well, I just helped.  Not every act of faithfulness gives immediate warm fuzzies.  But…

 

Maybe…just maybe… friendship and service share a lot in common after all.

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Comments

  1. Like you, the older I get the more I value friendship. And as you’ve said so well, genuine friendship includes service, inconvenience (at times), encouragement, speaking the truth in love, and so much more. It requires giving of ourselves and will force us to deny our selfish nature. Maybe as you said … that’s the point.

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  2. Wow! You have given me something to think about here. You have inspired me to be a better friend. We are attending a gathering tomorrow with a group of friends. There is one woman there who continually gets under my skin. I have a tendency to get impatient. I am going to give her some extra attention and compassion and see what makes her tick!

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  5. This topic has been on my heart and this is just what I needed. I’m finally coming out of the season of young kids and as I’ve looked around I thought, where have my friendships gone? I’m ready to be more intentional about cultivating friendship. Giving more than I take. And being vulnerable (so hard). Thank you for this beautiful post. Visting from #GraceFullTuesday.

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  7. I love this- ” this kind of hospitality is done well, “you experience something profound. Something like the Jewish word shalom – a sense of wholeness.” Isn’t that what we all want to feel with our friendships? Visiting from #RechargeWednesday.

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  8. Yes, when you think about it friendship and service go together very well. A good friend is there when you them and you for them whether it’s to pray, or sit with them or provide transportation, etc. Thanks for the reminder of what true friendship really is. Blessings to you, Lauen! I’m your neighbor at #TellHisStory.

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  10. Lauren, this right here –>’ friendship and service share a lot in common.’

    They really go hand in hand don’t they … maybe you can have one without the other, but one surely can help the other to flourish.

    Bless you …

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  14. Time with friends is one of my favorite things. I treasure the time together but also know I need to intentionally choose to seek out this time. I love the idea of friendship looking like service. There is a lot of truth to that statement.

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  15. When I was first out on my own and lonely, far from home, my mother would always tell me to go out and do some service. THing is , you think you will be blessing someone but you end up getting more blessed.

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  16. Hi again Lauren! I wanted to let you know that your post is featured on this week’s Friday Fellowship Link Up. 🙂 Thank you for sharing and stop by to link up again!

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  17. I agree friendship is a treasure and one we have to pour into. I too recently had the experience of helping someone and finding a ton of laughter I needed in my life. Here I thought I was the one giving when I received much more than the time I gave away.

    We both had friendship on the mind this week.

    Blessings, Maree

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  18. I’m not sure if my comment disappeared or will show up. Please feel free to delete one.

    I am right there with you the older I get, the more I treasure my friendships. I too had an experience recently when I thought I was the one giving, but I received so much more. I laughed like haven’t in a very long time and walked away with a new friend.

    We both had friendship on the mind this week.

    Blessings,

    Maree

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  19. Your last example about helping a friend with a project, made me both giggle and ponder.. it’s true that not all acts of service (or acts of friendship) give us the warm fuzzies! But it doesn’t make it any less valid, or important.
    I wonder.. if we always got the warm fuzzies after every unselfish act, if that wouldn’t lead us to seek the act out of selfishness in the end?!

    You always touch my heart with your writing! Sure do appreciate you!

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    • The question you pose reminds me of an old Friends episode where Joey and Phoebe argue over whether there really is a selfless good deed. Ha! Thanks for your kind words.

      Reply

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