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Today I Cannot…a Coronavirus Lament

May 15, 2020 by Lauren 34 Comments

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

Today, I cannot restart Mickey Mouse Clubhouse one more time.

Today, I cannot do the same exercise routine I have been doing since the gyms closed.

Today, I cannot fetch one more item for my girl with the broken leg.

Today, I cannot plan another meal that has a 75% chance of rejection by my teen.

Today, I cannot prod and cajole my daughter through one more online therapy session.

Today, I cannot flirt with my husband and romance him like he deserves.  My elastic waistbands and ponytails make me feel so unattractive.

Today, I cannot make one more boring drive playing my daughter’s music (that I’m sooooo sick of) to lift her spirits.

Today, I cannot do all the things I SHOULD do first and hope a little time remains for the things I WANT to do.

Today, I cannot look at these same walls anymore.

Today, I cannot hear my daughter complain because hugging friends is off limits.

Today, I cannot remember to stop our activities every hour and a half to toilet my special needs child.

Today, I cannot hear that same child say “sad” or “hurt” again – knowing it means she’s not happy without her school routine.

Today, I cannot nag my teenager anymore to stop wasting time and finish her online schooling.

Today, I cannot beg the same child to come out of her room and play a game or watch a movie with us when all the work is done.

Today, I cannot try to cut calories and plan healthy meals and snacks knowing there is a 50% chance I will end up in a bag of chips.

Today, I cannot wonder whether I still have a job.

Today, I cannot make one more video call or message to my family and friends instead of seeing them in person.

Today, I cannot literally drag Shelby’s slow, low-muscle-toned body around the block to make sure she gets exercise.

Today, I cannot grieve for all a loved one is going through and not physically help.

Today, I cannot yearn for the fun summer plans we’ve canceled.

Today, I cannot continue to care give with no respite.

Today, I cannot sit in disappointment or frustration any longer.

Today, I FEEL like I cannot…but I will.

And tomorrow is a new day.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:22-23

 

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Filed Under: Christian, Coronavirus, Grace & Truth Link Up, lament, parenting, special needs, suffering Tagged With: exercise, meal planning, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Comments

  1. Linda Stoll says

    May 15, 2020 at 6:17 am

    Lauren, yes … Lamentations 3 is the theme of our pandemic song. I’m so grateful for those morning mercies that continue to show up at the most unexpected times …

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 15, 2020 at 11:13 am

      Me too, Linda. Just when I think I can’t do it another minute, we have a breakthrough or I have a cry and feel cleansed. God is so kind in that way.

      Reply
  2. Joanne Viola says

    May 15, 2020 at 7:00 am

    Lauren, you are so right – we cannot do whatever today will demand in and of ourselves. But He will be merciful and give to us what we need so that we can – one more time, one more day.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 15, 2020 at 11:12 am

      You are exactly right, Joanne. I just needed a vent session yesterday, because some days are good and some aren’t. And I thought it might help some people feel not so alone. We trudge forward.

      Reply
  3. Laurie says

    May 15, 2020 at 7:48 am

    We all have days when we feel like we cannot, Lauren. Been there! This was a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes and that’s a GOOD thing.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 15, 2020 at 11:11 am

      Thanks, Laurie. With God’s grace we are just taking it day by day over here. And some of them are even good!

      Reply
  4. Melissa says

    May 15, 2020 at 7:56 am

    Grateful that each new day is a new opportunity. I’m shaking off the idea that today will be the same as yesterday and moving forward in His strength to find some new adventure with my crew today. Thank you for this reminder!

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 15, 2020 at 11:10 am

      I love that attitude, Melissa. It is exactly that, and our sweet Lord that will help us pull through this.

      Reply
  5. Heather Hart says

    May 15, 2020 at 11:31 am

    This so resonates with me. I am so done. But, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, because that’s just what we do.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 15, 2020 at 2:04 pm

      That’s all we can do. And lean into Him while we do it!

      Reply
  6. Barbara Harper says

    May 15, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    I felt like this so often when we cared for my m-i-l in our home. I can’t imagine having a pandemic and all this other stuff on top of that. Sometimes it helps just to acknowledge, “This is HARD!” Amen that His mercies are new every morning, and He gives His strength in our weakness.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 15, 2020 at 3:33 pm

      Barbara, you are so right. Admitting is 1/2 the battle. That’s part of the reason why I wrote it. I just needed to vent and thought others who might be feeling the same way would appreciate that they aren’t alone.

      Reply
  7. Tracy Albiero says

    May 16, 2020 at 3:39 pm

    Right there with you sister! Hang in there. #trafficjamweekend

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 16, 2020 at 7:50 pm

      Same to you, Tracy. I pray you thrive in this time.

      Reply
  8. Marie says

    May 17, 2020 at 10:02 am

    Oh, my… I have added a link to this post on my Sunday Shares post.
    Blessings to you and yours!
    Marie

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 18, 2020 at 3:32 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing, Marie! I really appreciate it.

      Reply
  9. Mary Geisen says

    May 17, 2020 at 6:57 pm

    You nailed it! I am thinking that many people including me feel that I cannot … (fill in the blank). But with God, we can.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 18, 2020 at 3:32 pm

      Yes. We can with Him. And I think, it helps to draw strength from each other!

      Reply
  10. Shelbee on the Edge says

    May 18, 2020 at 7:02 am

    All I can say to this, Lauren, is I relate. I totally relate. As I am certain most of us do. Thanks for always wearing your heart on your sleeve and sharing your vulnerable moments that help so many of us just through the knowledge that we are not alone.

    Shelbee
    http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 18, 2020 at 3:32 pm

      This was exactly my hope in sharing, Shelbee. Thank you!!!

      Reply
  11. Tanya says

    May 18, 2020 at 5:38 pm

    I know we’ve all felt just like you describe in this post…I just can’t. But we WILL with HIS strength. Thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 19, 2020 at 7:28 am

      We will. But somedays I want to say, “how much longer, Lord?”

      Reply
  12. Summer says

    May 19, 2020 at 2:53 pm

    Totally what I’ve been going through lately, especially in the last week. You just reminded me that it’s perfectly okay to express these feelings…as long as I don’t wallow in them.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 20, 2020 at 2:11 pm

      That’s what I hoped readers would see. That we can feel all these things in this crazy time and still be ok.

      Reply
  13. Lisa notes says

    May 19, 2020 at 2:53 pm

    Oh, we all can relate to this Lauren. Today I feel I can’t…but I will. God goes through this scenario with me often. 🙂

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 20, 2020 at 2:10 pm

      I agree. It just seems to be happening more often right now. :/

      Reply
  14. Calvonia Radford says

    May 20, 2020 at 2:55 pm

    I love that your venting turns to resolve that you will. God turns our mourning into laughter with those daily doses of mercy. I wish I could give you a in-person hug today. You are doing it day by day. Look at you! You make me smile.

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 20, 2020 at 3:09 pm

      I would take your hug if we could, Calvonia. That post was a moment in time and we are doing ok. Just hoped to show others its ok to feel the feels as long as we keep being faithful to what God has called us to during this time. Thank you for your kind words.

      Reply
  15. Liberty says

    May 20, 2020 at 9:33 pm

    Perfect sentiments! Last night I had a meltdown but it wasn’t about quarantine. It was about the itchy eyes that keep plaguing me lately and being expected to do the kids’ bedtime at the same time. “I Can’t!” was my cry! So this morning I had a telemed appt. with the allergist and got instructions what to get at the pharmacy….

    I hope you are able to get a/some respite. I hope you still have a job (I guess you’re not working from home…). Can you try healthy chips? My husband eats salsa for a vegetable sometimes….

    Liberty

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 21, 2020 at 8:27 pm

      We are all just doing the best we can right now, Liberty. But He certainly helps!

      Reply
  16. SHARON RICKETTS says

    May 21, 2020 at 7:50 am

    Inspiration for isolation, is best, from above! “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13
    #46 Tell His Story

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 21, 2020 at 8:26 pm

      Perfect, Sharon. Thanks!

      Reply
  17. April J Harris says

    May 24, 2020 at 10:00 am

    It definitely is a challenging time, Lauren, but I love how you turned your challenges into encouragement. We will definitely get through this, with God’s help. Thank you so much for being a part of the Hearth and Soul Link Party Community! Take care and stay well. Hope you have a good week ahead!

    Reply
    • Lauren says

      May 26, 2020 at 4:11 pm

      Thank you for the well wishes, April. I really enjoy your link up and always look forward to seeing you there.

      Reply

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I love Jesus, my husband and caffeine. The order of these can change depending on how tired I am. When my two daughters, stepson, and 4 grandchildren get to be too much, I practice yoga. God graciously allows me to share our adventures, victories and flub-ups from my laptop. May He be glorified here.
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