My daughter Shelby turned 21 this month. I don’t know whether to consider 18 or 21 more significant in the life of a young adult, but both signify milestones of a sort. For me 21 means the hard work of changing every one of her doctors from pediatric specialists to adult care practitioners. This proves more difficult when combined with finding docs who accept her government issued insurance. She has private insurance through my husband’s work, but once she turns 26 she will lose it and depend solely on the other. And I don’t want to do all this again in 5 years. Oh yes, we also have to transition her insurance.
All of this made me reminiscent of that 18th birthday. After a lot of expense and paperwork, the courts appointed my husband and me as Shelby’s legal guardians. I wrote about it previously, so I will only summarize here. We basically had her declared incompetent. A hard thing to say, but a harder thing to do.
I promise this is not a Britney Spears-type situation. Don’t @ me with your #freeShelby. Since Shelby is developmentally about 2 years old, she isn’t fit to make her own decisions or make her own money. This step ensured that doctors, pharmacists, school personnel and other institutions will forever give us access to records and managing authority.
When the court day arrived and the guardianship granted, I immediately felt relief. But as soon as I got out of the courthouse, grief enveloped me. I started to cry and didn’t stop for 30 minutes. I had no doubt that Chuck and I did the right thing, but mourned the “adult” that Shelby would never get to be.
God has been teaching me to trust Him this year. I chose TRUST (or it chose me) for my One Word 2021. It struck me that I often feel the same dichotomy of relief and grief about my decisions as I did on that summer day outside the courthouse. As I’ve turned some things over to God (Or to be more forthcoming, He ripped them out of my unwilling hands.), I grieved. For what I would not be able to know and what I could no longer do. But the relief.
The ceasing of striving. The conversion of things from constant obsession to daily prayer request. That’s good. Knowing that God is in control (and I never really was) brings a sense of peace I haven’t experienced in a long time.
Every year, my husband and I must petition the court for renewal of the guardianship granted over my daughter. In the same way, I periodically (okay, maybe multiple times a day) must renew my trust in the God of the Universe to be my managing authority. Old habits die hard, after all. I attempt to nose my way into situations and wrestle back control more often than I like to admit. And every time I convince myself that I need the reins again, my anxiety skyrockets.
I am no more equipped to handle what should be entrusted to God than my sweet Shelby can handle the responsibilities of adulthood. (Sometimes I wonder if I can handle adulthood!) But every time I err on the side of self-reliance, God graciously steps in again – letting me know that He never really let go.
And now for this week’s featured post from the link up!
I hope you are reading this from your comfiest chair with your feet up because this post is like a warm hug. Karen “Girl” Friday expounds on discerning true love in a sea of distortions. And it’s an encouragement to be reminded of how God loves us. Read Hang-ups about Love and Recapturing the Truth.
1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.
2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.
3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).
We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.
Now Let’s Link Up!
Sharing is caring! If you liked this post, do me the huge honor of using the buttons below to share it to your favorite social media accounts. And if you want to get these essays emailed to you once a week, subscribe! Lastly, my posts may contain affiliate links and I earn from qualifying purchases. If you buy anything from one of these links, I will receive a few pennies to help offset the cost of this website at no additional charge to you. Thank you in advance for your help.