“When one loves, one does not calculate.” St. Therese of Lisieux
“To ‘spend out’ is to give up keeping score, to give love without calculation.” The Happiness Project One-Sentence Journal: A Five-Year Record
I can almost remember when my husband and I started saying, “I love you more” to each other – but not quite. If memory serves me (and it doesn’t always these days), I read a book the first year of our marriage in which the main characters had a similar exchange. They created a word out of the first letters of each word and signed their cards this way. For example, “I love you more” would become ILYM.
The book characters used a slightly different phrase, although I can’t now recall what that phrase was. Nor the character’s names, or the title of the book. But I digress.
I wanted to emulate this idea and landed on “I love you more” and ILYM.
Sweet sentiments turned to fake arguments. Both of us seeking to “best” each other in the love department.
The longer we have been together, the more I understand what it means to love someone more. When the honeymoon period gives way to the “life-is-hard” period (which lasts a whole lot longer, btw); you not only learn what your love is made of, you learn to do it better. Not perfect, but if you work at it, better.
The more I see this man of mine trust God through the trials, the deeper my love grows. The more he handles with integrity and grace, the more I adore him. It’s a love much deeper than the butterflies and romantic gestures now. But to be honest, there is no way I love him better than he loves me. He truly wins that contest hands down.
A Different Perspective on “I Love You More”
Recently I saw a sign in a store that finally made sense of our back and forth exchange. And I bought it, of course. I wanted to share the words here with you.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
P.S. If you want to read about the greatest love that you can have, check out my friend Jessica Thompson’s new book How God Loves Us: 40 Days to Discovering His Character in the Fruit of the Sprit. 
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I relate so completely with Lois Flowers’ post The Most Important Truth About Covid. And she brings such hope in the midst of the nitty gritty. Very timely and helpful.
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Lauren, I laughed as you shared about “one-upping” each other in expressing love. I wonder if all couples do this as my husband and I surely do! But the sign … I would have bought it as well! It truly says it best. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and Chuck. May the Lord continue to give strength and bring health in the days ahead!
Thank you for those prayers, Joanne!
Lauren this is beautiful! Such a great way to express how love should be whether in marriage or any other relationship! Love the sign!
You are so right, Donna! Could apply to many types of relationship.
I like the idea of saying I love you more. And the book sounds really good.
Love!
I’m going to try tossing this phrase in my husband’s direction and see how he responds. Can’t help but think he’ll think twice before responding!
Happy weekend, friend …
Please let me know how it goes! I’m so curious.
It actually used to irritate me a bit when I heard (or read) other couples saying this. One person would say, “I love you,” and when the other responded with “I love you more,” it seemed like they were saying “I’m doing it better” rather than receiving the other’s expression of love. But, I thought, it works for them, so it’s not for me to criticize. And the Bible does say, “Outdo one another in showing honor” (Romans 12:10)–maybe that’s what they meant.
But i really like that sign–that way of “love you more” makes good sense to me.
I love this in light of the verse you shared!
I love that sign you found! My hubby and I say I love you more too!
Love it!
I LOVE this! Your “I love you more” made me think about when the boys were little and we’d read “I love you to the moon and back.” We’d all try to one-up each other until one of them said “I love you to God’s beard” and I answered, “I love you to God’s beard and back.” I need to look for that sign! What a great wedding gift for my son and his bride this May!
I love your version with your kids! Thank you for sharing.
Also, I got the sign from Altar’d State!
Lauren, my husband and I do many of the same things. We verbally express our love often and try to outdo each other in showing love and preferring each other. And like you, my husband wins hands done. He loves me so well that it makes me want to love him back better every day! We are truly blessed, aren’t we!
We are more than blessed, Donna!
I love that sign.
xoxo
Lovely
http://www.mynameislovely.com
Me too!
What a beautiful sign! I love that sentiment.
Me too, Joanne.
That is a great sign. Gives a great perspective and something to ponder. Blessings.
Blessings to you, Paula.
I really like the sentiments that are communicated on that sign. Thank you for linking up at Talent-Sharing Tuesdays Link-Up 7.
Carol
http://www.scribblingboomer.com
Me too, Carol. I’m so glad I found your link up.
Lauren,
I wish you lived nearby. Your sense of humor cracks me up and I need a good friend with whom I can laugh.
In an effort to go beyond “I love you most” phraseology, I cousin of mine has added “mostest” to her family banter. Not exactly correct grammar, but it does the job.
Blessings,
Tammy
I wholeheartedly approve “mostest”. And I do think we would have so much fun as neighbors!
Such beautiful words as always- you squished my heart with this post XO
Awww. Thanks, Holly.
This is so lovely, Lauren. My husband and I have a similar “fake” argument. Ours is over who the lucky one us in our relationship.
Michelle
https://mybijoulifeonline.com
I love that, Michelle.