Where do I start? Can you relate to rest being hard??? Maybe the word “rest” conjures up images of lounging in a recliner or laying out by the pool. But if you are anything like me, rest = struggle. Hence rest picked me as my word for the year.
Here’s how that word continues to change me:
Since my daughter Shelby has aged out of the public school system, she now attends a dayhab program. This leaves me with 2.5 less productive hours in my day. Her new program has shorter hours and I drive her to and from (she had a bus pick her up in our driveway before). Minus 2.5 productive hours I have still been attempting to get all of the same things accomplished. As you can well imagine, it’s not going well.
I work a part time job, teach 2 yoga classes and manage our household. You know, pay the bills, do the laundry and ironing, plan and cook meals, attend to a teenage daughter and do all the shopping. In addition to those duties, I manage Shelby. My severely disabled child requires many doctor visits, case manager check-ins, constant supervision, complete care and more paperwork than you could possibly imagine. And after all of that, I try to write. When do I rest?
This blog and the writing I do are very important to me. I consider it a big piece of my ministry and spend countless hours and a little chunk of money on it every year. It birthed in me the dream of writing a book one day. But this thing that gives me a sense of purpose and joy has become a stressor. Once I complete the nonnegotiable items every day, there is little to no time left for this. And it weighs on me.
Word of the Year Decisions
I considered whether or not I should quit. Or take an extended break from blogging. To be real with you, I wondered if my writing even makes any difference. I brainstormed with my husband on whether my time would be better spent volunteering more at church or a pregnancy center. Or if I should find additional work to help with the mountain of expenses coming when our 17 year old goes off to college next year. This last one just isn’t very feasible with the 9:30-2:30 schedule I have available between dayhab drop off and pick up. Working from home would be ideal if I knew of any reputable opportunities (hit me up if you do).
I took a hard look at my priorities and decided that getting a good workout 5 days a week and quality time with God every day ranked higher with me than getting to write every day. And my Allie Rose is heading into her senior year of high school. The way I choose to spend my time feels more important than ever in light of this. I want to be completely present for every single moment. Missing a concert, play or a plain old Tuesday with her is not an option. I already told her that I won’t say “no” to anything she asks me to do this next year. And I want to stand by that.
So, I made the decision to keep writing, but cut back. This choice came with many tears. I had to admit that the things I’ve been doing to grow my readership (which is necessary for a book contract) aren’t working and I’m spinning my wheels. Someone wiser than me once said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I’m no closer to getting a publisher’s attention than when I started. And I’m sitting with that, leaving myself open to the possibility that it’s not the right time or that God may hold something different for me. So some of that hustle has to go.
All this to say that I’m cutting back to one post a week (on Fridays so I can continue to host the Grace and Truth Link Up). I’ll also no longer be participating in most of the other blog link ups I’ve religiously kept up with. I actually quit those a couple of weeks ago and I already miss the engagement of my fellow writers. Most non-writers don’t comment. But that’s a sacrifice I must make.
Praying God’s Word Wednesday won’t go away completely. It will morph into a once a month post on Friday because so many of you are faithful to pray scripture with me and I love it. It may need a different name, though. Comment below with any ideas.
I hope we will still see each other every Friday. I believe God placed this endeavor on my heart for a reason. But I also know that this season must be about taking care of my family, my relationship with God and myself first. And then maybe after all that I’ll have time to rest. It is my word of the year after all.
And now for this week’s featured post from the link up.
I couldn’t resist Michele Morin’s post this week on…rest. Yep. Check out Finding Rest and Being Satisfied in the Land of See and Trust.
1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.
2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.
3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).
We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.
MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
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TAMMY KENNINGTON – Restoring hope. Pursuing peace.
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We are experience our shared word in so many similar ways! It’s not what we would choose, but we are giving God his divine prerogative to choose for us. Who knew that resting could be so hard??
Giving God His divine prerogative. That is such interesting wording for me to ponder. It is His already, but the symbolic giving to Him certainly brings peace. Thank you for this.
There’s a flow and ebb to everything in life – with friendships, with tasks, with writing – and then change always affects that flow. Praying you find that balance you need. God plants those seed dreams – they just don’t always bloom when we think they should – but trust in His timing. I am so glad Praying God’s Word won’t go away completely. Shalom, my friend – really shalom! ~ Maryleigh
Thank you so much for the prayers and wise words, Maryleigh. I love connecting with you here.
Wow, Lauren, some heavy decisions, but I get it. I commend you for your courage to take the unselfish path less travelled.
Sometimes the paths God leads us upon seem really hard and counterintuitive. I am always blessed by your posts, and will look forward to meeting you here each Friday.
Lean in hard to Jesus, I’m learning He not only offers to give us rest when we come to Him, but HE IS the rest we so desperately need.
Hugs and prayers to you, sweet sister.
What a good word, Donna. Thank you so much. I appreciate you.
I understand the struggle. I’ve been going through a bit of that myself—wrestling with what to do, leave undone, change—though of course our circumstances are different. I trust God will give us both wisdom to make the decisions He wants us to.
I am trying to trust in that as well, Barbara. Thank you for commiserating with me and I’m saying a prayer for your decisions right now.
Lauren, I think it is important to do what you are doing to have balance in our lives. I love reading your work and you are making a difference. Sharing your life and what God is doing in it is important. What helps me with the growth factor is I am supposed to show up but God is responsible for the increase. So I believe by you being faithful to your family, work, and ministry God will bless you more than you can imagine.
Thank you for these kind words, Deborah.
Hi Lauren,
Balance and rest are difficult to manage while the dream of holding a book baby lives in the mind. I relate to so much of what you’ve written in this post.
Praying blessings over your decision and your time, friend.
Tammy
Thank you so much, Tammy. I appreciate you.
Thank you for being authentic with us, Lauren. I bless you in the name of the Lord, and pray that His peace will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus, and you will find rest for your soul. I bless your Friday writing engagements and pray this lightens your load. Several considerations – Wednesday Words could become Prayer Reflections for the Month, then name the month. (PR for August). You’re right, most commenters are fellow writers. You can always self-publish in the future which frees you from the hamster wheel of platform. Ironing is a time-consumer – is taking it to the cleaners an option? It sounds like a wonderful upcoming year of embracing your girls and I’m so excited for you! It will be a beautiful year with Jesus and family! May the Lord give you grace to embrace!
Thank you for all of this, Lisa. Your prayers and thoughtfulness mean so much to me.
Lauren, I hear through your words how tough the decision is on you to scale back. However, I also see it as moving forward. When we let go of one thing, it allows another to grow as God intended. I can get caught up on what I let go of, instead of seeing the growth in what I am tending to more. As I was filling out goal sheets recently, the question comes up “What are you willing to sacrifice to reach that goal?” Starting with what I am not willing to sacrifice (time with grandchildren, outside exercise, family time, friend time, reading time…) helped me be realistic about the time it would take to complete the goal. It also shows where my values lie–definitely in relationships! Living in your values will make you more peaceful and productive than you can imagine now, I believe! So, way to go! You are living “on point” you could say! God bless!
Wow! Thank you for taking the time for this thoughtful reply, Lynn. So much wisdom in your words and I am reading them again.
I am proud of you for getting your priorities in line. I know without a doubt that when we are obedient in these things, God replaces the things that we let go of with blessings!
Enjoy the next phase of life!
Thank you, Barb.
Lauren, you expressed it perfectly- “this season must be about taking care of my family, my relationship with God and myself first.” No further explanation needed. I suspect many of us reading this could take this lesson for our own lives. Praying for you and your family in this season of “rest” and renewal.
Aletha, thank you for saying that and for the prayers. Both are so appreciated!
Oh, losing 2.5 productive hours a day is so hard, Lauren. 🙁 And I understand your tears over giving up your writing time. I would feel the same. I’ve had seasons where my writing had to adjust to new time constraints too. Thank you for continuing your Friday posts with us for Grace and Truth. May you find rest in your new schedule even with less time available to you.
Thank you for understanding and sympathizing with me so well. It is so comforting to me, Lisa.
Lauren, Indeed this must have been a tough decision, but I get it. God is behind the scenes working for our good even when we can’t see it or understand it. I’m in a writing slump, and that’s with me normally only writing once a week. I too find that other writers, our friends who share a commonality with us, writing for God’s glory seem to be the ones who comment. A thought I’ve adopted though is that our words matter, we may never know who they touch, and that’s okay; because God does. And believe me, my friend, your words have dearly touched me over the years. I love Praying God’s Word Wednesday and am happy to hear it will still be around monthly.
Thank you for reminding me how much our words matter, Paula. And I am touched that mine have touched you. I really appreciate you saying that. And I’m always so grateful that you pray with me on Wednesdays.
I admire you for even considering this, Lauren. Some of us might continue to press on and run ourselves to the ground, while others will give up. To stick to your passion and cut back for now makes perfect sense in your current situation.
Sending prayers and every good wish to you.
Thank you so much, Corinene. I appreciate the encouragement.