After a visit this week to my surgeon’s office to have nipples tattooed on my reconstructed chest, I decided to cull through my humiliation and decide which moments held the most comic potential.  2017 challenged my faith, my fortitude and my family.  But what was true for Job in the Bible proved true for me.  “He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.”  (8:21 NLT)  With Jesus, and a God-given sense of humor I have overcome so much.  So I present the top 8 most embarrassing things about having breast cancer:

1.  I can no longer say I’ve never posed topless.  And the paper thong I had to sport for the before pics lacked any kind of sex appeal.

2.  The girls (both old and new) have been manhandled by more people than I ever thought possible.  Does this jeopardize my status as a “good girl”?

3.  The above pictured breast cancer awareness Snuggie.  Just because…

4.  Everyone who knows me knows they are fake.

5.  The maintenance drug I have infused every 3 weeks gives me very impolite and inconvenient intestinal issues.

6.  Having my nipples tattooed was a whole lot of topless – including what I can only describe as topless calisthenics (bending, stretching, squeezing) so the artist could see “how my breasts moved” before ink.  It was all very normal.

7.  Discussing aureola size and color with said tattoo artist flustered me.  (Having the tattoos now is empowering, though.  They are 3D and magnificent.)

8.  Accidentally laying my bust on someone’s arm because I have no nerve endings in them and therefore have diminished frame of reference for their place in time and space –  is now a thing.  Although, I did feel heat in one tiny spot on one boob during the ink sesh.  Maybe that means I have a remaining receptor.  Which gives whole new meaning to the phrase, “You’re on my last nerve.”

Well, I intended to give you a top ten list, but I can only think of 8.  And you know what?  I’m cancer free.  So bring on the awkward!  It’s all worth it.

I want to encourage you all to visit Kelly Balarie at PurposefulFaith.com for more encouragement.  You can also take part in her “Four Days to Fearless Challenge” by clicking here.  I heard about Kelly on The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey Podcast and her blog has quickly become one of my favorites.  

No, I haven’t been living in a cave the last two years.  Yes, I plainly see that there are still racial issues in our country.  For crying out loud, news broke this week that the Parkland, Florida shooter was a member of a white nationalist group.  Of course I know that racism exists.  And as an extension of that, white privilege is a thing.  But what I am embarrassed to say I am just awakening to is how widespread and embedded the problem is in our culture.  And how I can be contributing to the problem.

Click the link below to see this on Amazon.

“What if it’s the little things that make a big difference?”  That’s the tag line for Melanie Shankle’s latest book Church of the Small Things.  With her Dave Barry-esque humor, the author challenges us to embrace the mundane.  To stop living for the grand gesture, mountain top type moments and realize the importance of our daily, faithful routines.

Toward the end of the book, Shankle (affectionately known to her fans as Big Mama), shared a quote from her daughter’s 7th grade English final:  “some people stand out more than others, like neon posters on a beige wall.”  She went on to explain that we don’t always take notice of the beige wall, but it is the thing that holds up the neon poster.  The beige wall allows the neon poster to shine bright.

I have the privilege of being married to a beige wall.  My husband is introverted and even-tempered.  He will never be called the life of the party.  He is a meat and potatoes, non-creative who prefers TV to books.  He doesn’t have money or power or a postgraduate degree.  What he does have is the respect of everyone who knows him.

Two different times this past year, Chuck found himself out of a job.  Both times he secured employment in relatively short order because someone he knew pursued him.  Not the other way around.  That’s what happens when you quietly live a life of integrity.  When you are genuine and warm and love others the way Jesus does, people want to be in community with you.  When you are hard-working, honest and loyal, people want to work with you.

In contrast, Chuck has two neon poster kind of kids.  His son is a med school student who has never met a stranger.  He’ll soon be a doctor with bedside manner to spare.  Our daughter Allie is an outgoing 7th grader with personality for days.  She is loud, fun-loving and infuriating.  She sings, acts, makes straight A’s, plays ukulele and volleyball.  And although I’m not as bright and shiny as the kids, I might categorize myself as a pale pink poster – somewhere between neon and beige.  I am social, like to crack a joke, and am creative – if only in my writing.

My husband hold us all up.  He is our physical, financial and emotional support.  He keeps us on a more even keel than we would keep ourselves and brings us down to earth when we get too big for our britches.  And he is our biggest cheerleader – shouting louder than anyone for the accolades, accomplishments, milestones and volleyball games.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote of feeling like nothing was truly safe anymore.  You can find that post here.  Although I am already rebounding about life in general, even then, my husband was a safe place.  When everything else seemed to be crumbling around me, WE felt stronger than ever.  For this, and for so many other things, it is my privilege to be the one cheering HIM on.

I am so grateful for my strong, supportive, beige wall.