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Beholden

November 22, 2018 by Lauren 30 Comments

 

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

A podcast I listened to this week introduced a new-to-me concept in gratitude.  That of being BEHOLDEN.  I know, Thanksgiving was so yesterday, but as we continue our holiday season, I plan to build on the discipline of gratitude I’ve felt called to create.  There’s nothing like gratitude to get you out of a rut – at least that’s my prayer.

 

The word BEHOLDEN carries with it the idea of owing or being indebted.  It usually carries a negative connotation, as in, “I don’t like to be beholden to anyone.”  Even though carrying financial debt is more common than the cold, our fiercely independent culture doesn’t generally like the idea of personal indebtedness.  As a general rule, we want to accomplish things on our own and not owe anyone that we can look in the face.  If you think these ideals are sounding outdated, think about how difficult it is for you to ask a friend, neighbor, or even family member for help – with anything.  Money, a project, a ride somewhere, or an ear to listen.  We don’t like admitting that we don’t have everything we need.  And community suffers for it.

 

The give and take of relationships is what oftentimes cements us together. 

We need each other, and this creates gratitude.

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And for me, naming the things that I am BEHOLDEN for catapults me into an entirely different arena of thanksgiving.  I am grateful for my husband.  I have this thought sometimes multiple times a day, but my love and gratitude for him increase as I rehearse the things for which I am BEHOLDEN to him.  I am BEHOLDEN to Chuck for the way he works hard to provide for me and our children.  I am BEHOLDEN to him for the way he encourages me in my writing dreams.  I am BEHOLDEN to him because he patiently nursed me back to health after back injuries, a broken foot, knee surgery and cancer!  I am BEHOLDEN to my husband because he thinks about my wants and needs ahead of his own almost every time.  I could go on and on, but I only want you to get the idea – not loose your leftover turkey.

 

I don’t mind being indebted to another.  It means we are in fellowship.  If you have a relationship, be it spouse, friend, or family, that you don’t owe a whole lot (and vice versa); I might argue that it’s not much of a relationship.  As we finish up our Thanksgiving celebrating and turn our attention toward Christmas, my heart swells with how BEHOLDEN I am to Jesus.  He left the comfort of heaven to be born into a painful and sinful world.  I am BEHOLDEN to Him for giving us an example to follow in life and love.  I am BEHOLDEN to Jesus for dying a sinless death on the cross so that my sinful life could be saved from eternal separation from God.  I am BEHOLDEN to Him for making me right with my Heavenly Father and calling me friend.  He saved me, and gave me hope.  For that I can never repay Him.  And I am BEHOLDEN to Jesus for never asking me to.

 

Who are you BEHOLDEN to that you still need to thank?  List it, express it, write it and rehearse it before Thanksgiving gets too small in the rear view.  Lastly, I am BEHOLDEN to you, dear reader, for your kind attention.

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White Picket Fences – A Book Review and Giveaway!

November 8, 2018 by Lauren 30 Comments

I picked up Amy Julia Becker’s book White Picket Fences:  turning toward love in a world divided by privilege to supplement the journey I’ve been taking to better understand white privilege and the role I play in it.  You can read my freshman attempts at analysis here and here.  Ms. Becker is also walking this path and asking similar questions.

 

The author comes from privilege and affluence that even I can’t understand, but we are similar in our love for books.  She stocked her shelves with classics for herself and her children.  The Secret Garden, Little Women, Anne of Green Gables and many more.  But she slowly realized that the characters they contained were very white.  She searched for classics that would color a rainbow on her shelves and was distraught to find slaves and servants and dangerously displaced Native Americans.  She didn’t want to teach her children this version of race, but our history is unfortunately overflowing with it.  She determined that we needed to “wrestle with a complex past to help us write a different story for the future.”

 

Ms. Becker doesn’t claim to have all the answers.  In fact, she confesses to a fear of not knowing how to truly feel compassion, saying,  “Im afraid that I will always be set apart from people who do not share my advantages.  I am afraid that I am helpless to do anything about very real inequity.”  In response she researched the racial violence that appears all over the news of late and found that “police interaction with black men has not increased in recent years.  People like me – people who live in predominantly white America – have simply become more aware of it.”  And people like me.

 

In the life of her daughter with Down Syndrome, Amy Julia sees a glimmer of understanding for those who’s identity falls outside the norm.  She writes of realizing that had she lived in Nazi Germany, her daughter would have been taken away and killed, just as the Jewish people who were singled out – her wealth or white skin powerless to stop it.  I remember having the same type of revelation about my daughter Shelby when on Ellis Island for the first time.  If my family had come through as imigrants in the early years of our country, my husband and I would have been offered two choices.  1.  Leave Shelby in a “hospital” there and start our new life without her or 2.  Turn around and make the long and dangerous voyage back to whatever bad situation we came from – whether or not (probably not) we had the money for fare.

This book declares that, “We deface the image of God every time we disdain or abuse another human being.”  It’s message?  Every human is valued by nature of being known and loved by almighty God.  “It will take thousands upon thousands…to bow our knees and take up a posture of humility, of listening to others instead of insisting on hearing our own voices, of admitting our own complicity in harm, of opening our hands and hearts to healing even when it hurts.”  This book is not a solution to inequity.  It’s just a beginning.  And I definitely recommend beginning by reading it.

 

Tyndale House Publishers kindly provided me with a complimentary copy of this book.  I am giving away my copy to one reader of this post!  All you have to do is subscribe over on the right side of this page to receive my posts every week (and I promise I almost never send you more than one message a week).  If you are already subscribed – thank you so much! – you can still be entered by leaving a comment!  One commenter/ subscriber will be selected at random and notified via email next Friday November 16.  You can also purchase your own copy of the book here from Amazon or anywhere good books are sold.  If you choose to purchase this or anything else through my link, I will receive a small commission to help offset the costs of my website at no extra cost to you.  Thank you in advance!

 

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About Me

I love Jesus, my husband and caffeine. The order of these can change depending on how tired I am. When my two daughters, stepson, and 4 grandchildren get to be too much, I practice yoga. God graciously allows me to share our adventures, victories and flub-ups from my laptop. May He be glorified here.
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