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Take Off the Gloves! A Guide to Political and Other Discourse

October 16, 2020 by Lauren 24 Comments

I want to start by letting you know about my new e-book This Was Not on My Bingo Card:  Essays on Cancer and Other Related Surprises.  It is FREE, but the only way to get it is to subscribe to my blog.  Do it today in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month!  I pray you will be blessed.  Now…on to the post: 

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.  James 1:19-20  NIV

 

I often pray the words, “Lord, come quickly.”  I recently added the prayer, “Let the election pass quickly.”  People seem to lose their ever loving minds over presidential elections.  Social media turns into a hotbed of hatred and vitriol – even more so than usual.  And from my vantage point, Christians often shout the loudest and fling the most poo.  This both frustrates and saddens me.

 

There is a reason people say we should never talk about politics or religion at the dinner table.  And it’s not because those topics aren’t interesting.  We have simply forgotten (or maybe never taught) how to listen to people we disagree with.  I use the election as a current and relevant thorn in my side, but we could just as well substitute racial equality, differences in theology, our response to COVID-19, or a slew of other hot topics.

 

John 13:35 says, By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.  NIV  What I have never seen in the Bible is that we will show others we follow Jesus with our anti-fill in the blank rhetoric.  I don’t know how “love one another” got translated to “convince you to think just like me”.  And even if it did, I don’t see the arguing leading to much convincing.  If anything, it’s just causing more arguing.

 

I think our conversations become so cyclical and fruitless because we fail in the art of listening well.  In a debate (friendly or not), we most often listen only long enough to formulate our counter-point instead of listening to understand.  It’s a problem as old as time.  I mean, did you see the 1st presidential debate?  Or some would say debacle?  Proverbs 18:13  NIV states, To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.  But that foolishness is exactly what most of us do.  So how can we listen better, and as a result, conduct healthier dialogue?  

 

1.  Be About the Relationship

 

God is love, and the Bible tells the story of His love relationship with us from beginning to end.  His word commands us to love others because He loves us (1 John 4:19) and love is about relationship.  Our goal in any interaction – whether in person or online – should be to show Christ-like love.  If we are primarily motivated by forming, maintaining or furthering relationship with another, we will naturally use language that encourages, builds up and shows compassion.  Care more about the person than your point.

 

2.  Ask Clarifying Questions

 

In a sermon a couple of months ago, my pastor suggested saying, “Help me understand… (what you said, what you’re feeling, what lead you to your opinion or ideas).  How did you arrive at that conclusion?”  Knowing where someone else is coming from leads to fewer misunderstandings and promotes empathy, which benefits the relationship.  It also gives you the opportunity to think twice and speak once, which also leads to fewer misunderstandings.

 

3.  Present Your “Side” with Permission

 

This suggestion came from my wise pastor as well.  Ask permission to ask questions about what’s been said.  Then say, “Is it okay if I share some thoughts on some things I see differently?”  Become less of a bulldozer.  You are entitled to your opinion, but you aren’t always entitled to share it.  Having the humility to ask for permission shows respect for the individual (remember relationship is the goal).  And let’s be honest, mowing over someone with your ideas or beliefs never really works.

 

Let’s open our ears and rain down grace on those we come in contact with.  2020 has been hard enough.

 

And now for this week’s featured post!

 

I just featured Barbara Harper of Stray Thoughts last week, but I had to do it again.  I think she is somehow reading my mind and my struggles!  In What Do You Look for When You Read the Bible, she touched on reading the Bible for truth and not just to speak into our current struggle or feeling.  I believe God often does that for us with His word, but this seeking out this type of study is a slippery slope to twisting God’s word to meet our narrative.  Thank you, Barbara, for this glimpse of the whole of God’s Word.

 

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Mending Mothers and Daughters

April 11, 2019 by Lauren 34 Comments

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Mothers and daughters.  It’s a complicated thing.

 

Her children arise and call her blessed;  Proverbs 31:28a

 

Yeah, that ain’t happening in my house.  My 14 year old daughter loves Jesus, and she’s mature enough in her faith to understand that her relationship with God should affect the way she treats me.  But oh, the hormones and insecurities and growing pains and emerging wings.  At times the sass and disrespect just explodes out of her like a balloon blown up past capacity.  Other times I can see the battle waging inside of her as the war continues between us.  And I am no innocent in the matter.  As much as I love her (it’s so painful at times), her words and tone can prick my pride like nothing else.  Anger, confusion and hurt feelings = more hurt feelings – hers.  What hills are worth dying on?  What can I let go for the sake of harmony and what will lead her into a life of crime and sloth if not dealt with?  When should I apologize and when should I insist that she?

 

Being a mom to a daughter is hard.  Just last week, I said these words to my beautiful girl, “How are we going to rewrite this story so I’m not always the villain?  You know I am FOR you, right?”  I know I’m not alone.  Every time I bring the subject up with friends or acquaintances (anyone who will listen, really), I receive sympathy, understanding and similar stories in return.   Mended:  Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters by Blythe Daniel and Helen McIntosh has put me on the path of rewriting the story.  Written by a mother/daughter duo, they draw from their own personal anecdotes and Helen’s doctorate of Education in Counseling Psychology to provide a resource that is both relatable and helpful.

 

Advice From This Book on Mothers and Daughters

 

One of the biggest wake up calls from this book is that,

“When it comes to words, every one of them matters.”

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 Luke 12:12 tells us that “The Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say.”  And the solid advice from the book that goes right along with this scripture is to “Intentionally speak slower than you normally would so you can make sure you aren’t saying things too quickly for your mind to register.”

 

While praying to “ask Him for clarity and guidance on what [I] need to do to break away from and begin a new path…” I’ve realized that my normal parenting style – that of lecturer – may not work well at this stage in my girl’s life.  I view every infraction as an opportunity for a lesson.  And while that may be true, teenagers hear lectures about as well as we hear the teacher in episodes of Charlie Brown.  With 14 years of instruction already behind us, leading by example may be the better route.  Especially in the areas of love, respect and forgiveness.  The authors point out that “Forgiveness isn’t just an act we walk through; it’s a way of life we choose.”  My takeaway?  Apologize and ask forgiveness often.  The tutorial is in the living illustration.

 

I’m working to “Let down defenses and pick up unconditional acceptance.”  After all, my daughter is pretty amazing.  She plays volleyball, makes A’s, loves Jesus and loves to tell others about Him.  She can sing, act, and is a fiercely loyal friend.  She feels things deeply and gives her Mama all the feels.  And even if she wasn’t all those things, I would still be so proud to call her mine.  She is one of God’s great gifts and I’m so grateful to have a front row seat to see all the ways He will use her.

 

The authors and Harvest House Publishers generously provided me with a copy of this book for review and they extended their generosity to you!  I have one extra copy of this book to giveaway to a lucky reader.  If you are not a current subscriber to my blog (I rarely email more than once a week with the new post), click subscribe and sign up.  That’s all you have to do to enter.  If you already subscribe (thank you!), leave a comment on this post.  I will select one reader from comments and new subscribers randomly on 4/18 and mail the book to you!  

 

I also want to remind you that links in this post are affiliate links and should you choose to purchase this book (or anything else) once you’ve clicked my link I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you to help offset the costs of this website.  Thank you in advance!  

 

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And look up these great writers I link up with every week:
Mix it Up Linky, InstaEncouragements, Literacy Musing Mondays, Hello…Monday,
Dream Team link up, The Good. The Random. The Fun.
BloggerClubUK, Tea and Word Tuesday, Purposeful Faith,
GraceFull Tuesday Link-Up, Trekking Thru, Different Dream,
Let’s Have Coffee, Welcome Wednesday, Recharge Wednesday,
Worth Beyond Rubies, #TellHisStory Link Up, Porch Stories,
Encouraging Word Wednesday, Tune In Thursday,
Stories of Hope, Moments of Hope, IHeart Verse Link Party,
A Blogging Good Time, Fresh Market Friday, Feature Friday Time,
Friendship Friday Blog Hop, Faith on Fire, Traffic Jam Weekend,
Faith ‘n Friends, Dancing with Jesus, Grace & Truth, Booknificent

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About Me

I love Jesus, my husband and caffeine. The order of these can change depending on how tired I am. When my two daughters, stepson, and 4 grandchildren get to be too much, I practice yoga. God graciously allows me to share our adventures, victories and flub-ups from my laptop. May He be glorified here.
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