trusting God

  • Giving God Guardianship…and Grace and Truth Link Up

    ByLauren Christian, Grace & Truth Link Up, special needs, trusting God
    22 Comments

    My daughter Shelby turned 21 this month.  I don’t know whether to consider 18 or 21 more significant in the life of a young adult, but both signify milestones of a sort.  For me 21 means the hard work of changing every one of her doctors from pediatric specialists to adult care practitioners.  This proves more difficult when combined with finding docs who accept her government issued insurance.  She has private insurance through my husband’s work, but once she turns 26 she will lose it and depend solely on the other.  And I don’t want to do all this again in 5 years.  Oh yes, we also have to transition her insurance.

     

    All of this made me reminiscent of that 18th birthday.  After a lot of expense and paperwork, the courts appointed my husband and me as Shelby’s legal guardians.  I wrote about it previously, so I will only summarize here.  We basically had her declared incompetent.  A hard thing to say, but a harder thing to do.

     

    I promise this is not a Britney Spears-type situation.  Don’t @ me with your #freeShelby.  Since Shelby is developmentally about 2 years old, she isn’t fit to make her own decisions or make her own money.  This step ensured that doctors, pharmacists, school personnel and other institutions will forever give us access to records and managing authority.

     

    When the court day arrived and the guardianship granted, I immediately felt relief.  But as soon as I got out of the courthouse, grief enveloped me.  I started to cry and didn’t stop for 30 minutes.  I had no doubt that Chuck and I did the right thing, but mourned the “adult” that Shelby would never get to be.

     

    Trust

    God has been teaching me to trust Him this year.  I chose TRUST (or it chose me) for my One Word 2021.  It struck me that I often feel the same dichotomy of relief and grief about my decisions as I did on that summer day outside the courthouse.  As I’ve turned some things over to God (Or to be more forthcoming,  He ripped them out of my unwilling hands.), I grieved.  For what I would not be able to know and what I could no longer do.  But the relief.

    The ceasing of striving.  The conversion of things from constant obsession to daily prayer request.  That’s good.  Knowing that God is in control (and I never really was) brings a sense of peace I haven’t experienced in a long time.

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    Every year, my husband and I must petition the court for renewal of the guardianship granted over my daughter.  In the same way, I periodically (okay, maybe multiple times a day) must renew my trust in the God of the Universe to be my managing authority.  Old habits die hard, after all.  I attempt to nose my way into situations and wrestle back control more often than I like to admit.  And every time I convince myself that I need the reins again, my anxiety skyrockets.

     

    I am no more equipped to handle what should be entrusted to God than my sweet Shelby can handle the responsibilities of adulthood.  (Sometimes I wonder if I can handle adulthood!)  But every time I err on the side of self-reliance, God graciously steps in again – letting me know that He never really let go.

     

    And now for this week’s featured post from the link up!

     

    I hope you are reading this from your comfiest chair with your feet up because this post is like a warm hug.  Karen “Girl” Friday expounds on discerning true love in a sea of distortions.  And it’s an encouragement to be reminded of how God loves us.  Read Hang-ups about Love and Recapturing  the Truth.

     

    Grace and Truth_Rules

    1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

    2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.

    3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

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    We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

    MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
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    LAUREN SPARKS
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    LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
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  • An Update on Trust – One Word 2021

    ByLauren Christian, Grace & Truth Link Up, mental health, obedience, prayer, trusting God
    19 Comments

    Back in January, I shared my One Word focus for the year.  Trust.  I knew I lacked trust in our all-powerful God, so His leading in this direction did not surprise me.  I trust Him with my eternal salvation but not with the care and keeping of myself and my loved ones.  Not truly.  It makes no sense, but I have a feeling I’m not the only one.

     

    I have some significant lessons I feel led to share with you, but I confess I’m not sure how to do so.  The biggest issue that I pray and plead with God about is not my story alone to tell.  So out of respect, I must be vague.  I value authenticity and wish I could be completely forthcoming, but I hope you will understand.  And I pray the message still comes across.  Here goes:

     

    I shared several scriptures on trust in my original One Word post.  In the months since, I have been a faithful scribe, copying them in longhand almost every day for meditation and memorization purposes.  I have prayed fervently for God to take away this burden of distrust and help me place all the things in His capable hands.  And yet I still hold on.

     

    What do I mean by distrust?  Uncontrollable shaking every time I got a phone call about the situation.  Mini panic attacks (never had those before).  Medication to sleep after learning new information.  Heavy anxiety.  No peace whatsoever.  Until God took my knowledge of the issue away.

     

    God must have decided that if I couldn’t release the reigns to Him, He would take away any semblance of control I thought I had.  No more new information coming in.  No way to assert my opinions or even the truth of God’s Word into the situation.  I argued with Him.  (Of course, I did.)  How will I know when there’s a new development?  Who else will speak truth into this mess?

     

    And in His kind way, God whispered, “I will speak truth into the mess.”  and “I love them even more than you do.”  and “I can handle it.”  I confess that this initially caused me additional anxiety.  But if I’m honest, I also felt relief.  I can’t know.  I can’t do.  I can only pray and be.

     

    I prayed for God to help me trust Him and He has delivered.  Not the way I intended, but he did answer that prayer.  He told me in no uncertain terms that he could do this without my help.  And in the absence of information, my anxiety has plummeted.  God forced my obedience, and I thank Him.

     

    I still pray daily for this situation.  And I am under no delusions that said situation will turn out the way I want.  But I can have some semblance of rest and peace that God is in control of it.  I need not interfere.  And in the end, He will make all things right.  It’s a promise.

     

    My word for the year is TRUST.  And God is forcing me to do so.  Praise the Lord!

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    God is our refuge and strength,
        a very presentb]”>[b]”>bb]”>] help in trouble.
    2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
        though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
    3 though its waters roar and foam,
        though the mountains tremble at its swelling.   Psalm 46:1-3

     

    And now for this week’s featured post from the link up.

     

    Sarah J Cullen for candidlychristian.com made me think about a very familiar scripture in a whole new way in Reconcile Like Jesus.  Give it a read and tell me I’m not the only one!  Thanks, Sarah.

     

    Grace and Truth_Rules

    1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

    2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.

    3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate)

     

    Grace and Truth_Meet Hosts

    We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

    MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
    Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

    HEATHER HART & VALERIE RIESE – Candidly Christian
    Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

    LAUREN SPARKS
    Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

    LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
    Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

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