Lauren Sparks

Right now my house is full of pre-teen girls playing “mafia”(?), giggling, making cake balls and watching movies.  Allie is having a sleepover for her birthday.  Shelby is at a high school Best Buddies dance.  It is not lost on me how common this kind of thing is for one child and how rare for the other.

When I dropped Shelby at the dance, she was so excited by the lights and music and friends.  It struck me how “normal” this seemed and reminded me that most of Shelby’s life is not “normal”.  Because we are so accustomed to Shelby and our routine with her, I tend to forget (or not think about) how different she is.  And only when she is presented with this type of unusual opportunity do I have to face the fact that it is, indeed, an unusual opportunity.

Allie, it seems, has a sleepover every other weekend.  She is often invited to birthday parties, play dates and school functions.  And we host more than our fair share to keep her happy and entertained.  It’s been years since Shelby has been invited to a classmate’s birthday party.  She didn’t really have the option of cotillion.  There are no sleepovers, and she will never experience a college formal.  She doesn’t date and will never drive off in a car with a best friend.

It is a huge blessing that Shelby doesn’t know or understand what she is missing.  If someone makes fun of her, she doesn’t get it.  She will never come home in tears because her crush asked out someone else.  She’ll never grieve the betrayal of a friend or feel left out.  Mind you, it’s not because she ISN’T left out.  It’s only that she doesn’t KNOW she is.  I must confess, though, that it breaks this mama’s heart.  Many of my friends are struggling with their kiddos through middle and high school dramas right now.  And I know how painful those years can be.  I remember the agony of living through it.  But I would gladly invite some of that drama into our lives if it came with a side of “normalcy” for my girl.

I am so very thankful for organizations like Best Buddies and the exceptional students who volunteer so that Shelby can go to a party.  I can’t say enough about Special Olympics and Spirit Xtreme who have programs that allow her to participate in sport.  Even if each event is a tearful reminder (for me) of what she is missing.

Dear mamas of typicals, please cherish the “normal”.  You have no idea how special it is.

Sometimes I feel just like a gerbil, running around and around on his wheel!  Moving so fast and never getting anywhere.  My days full of mundane routines as I run my legs off in the same ‘ole circle.  I wake up with aches and pains that never seem to improve.  I attend to my family’s needs – breakfasts, medicines, coffee (for the hubs), clothes and backpacks.  After getting everyone else off, I exercise and work.  Then when school lets out I step back into the caretaker role, overseeing chores, snacks and homework.  I shuttle Shelby to therapies and Allie to practices and activities.  After dinner, we start the process of winding everyone down in the hopes of a decent bedtime.  I fret over how much sleep Shelby will get and whether she will have any seizures.  Throw in an occasional meeting or appointment and that draws a pretty accurate picture of my days.  After a good night’s sleep (in my dreams – see what I did there?), it starts all over again.

The weekends feel a little more like a carousel than a gerbil wheel.  The extra time off from work gives us a little more fluidity.  Chuck and I might squeeze in a date or the whole family could see a movie.  Maybe we get the chance to see some family.  I occasionally treat myself to a massage or a shopping excursion.  Don’t get me wrong, there are rarely big surprises.  We are still running in the same circle, but it has the potential to be more enjoyable.

Before you start to feel sorry for me and my boring life, let me tell you about who I get to live it with.  I have 2 beautiful girls who, at times, cannot get enough of me.  They love to hug and kiss and cuddle (how lucky is that?).  I have a sharp step-son who has blessed me with precious grandkids.  I have friends who encourage me and pray for me, and occasionally even hang out if I beg.  And I have a husband who loves me well.  So much better than I deserve.

Above all else, I have the love of my Savior.  It doesn’t really matter if my day is a jambalaya filled with spicy variety or a bland broth, I get to live it heart to heart with the Creator of the universe.  Even when the order of my day feels “rather, rinse, repeat”, His mercies are new every morning.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:22-23