Lauren Sparks

The Sparks Notes

Interesting Mother’s Day Message

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Posted by Lauren Sparks on May 11, 2015 at 9:40 AM Delete 
Happy Mother’s May, mama readers!  I hope you had a great weekend and that the spoiling doesn’t stop yet.  I had a sweet time with my family that started with breakfast in bed and then church together.  Our pastor at 121 Community Church continued his sermon series on breaking every chain that binds us.  Yesterday’s topic?  Jealousy.  Strange message for Mother’s Day, but it worked.  Mother’s Day is often painful for women who long for children, who wish they had a better relationship with their children or their own mother, or have lost a mother or child.  My heart goes out to you if yesterday was a reminder of what you desire and have no been able to have.  I can only imagine your sorrow.  And please don’t hear me say that it is wrong to grieve for those relationships.  The feelings only cross over into jealousy when we are so bitter about our circumstances that we can’t rejoice for someone else.  I hope you don’t hear any condemnation because I will be sharing my shortcomings shortly in the area of jealousy.

Our minister defined jealousy as the idea that God owes me.  That I somehow deserve something.  Anything.  To examine ourselves, he asked us to think about what person or category of persons we secretly resent.  Ouch.  I’m sure I don’t have a jealousy problem.  I’m only envious of women who are thin, stronger and more athletic than me, are creative and crafty, those who get to help lead women’s ministry, fitness instructors with bigger classes, those who seems to get invited to social events often…I think I will stop there.  But I’m sure there are more.

Although I was convicted of all the work I need to do to be content in who God made me to be, I also left church affirmed.  I realized that God has already released me from a huge jealousy issue.  For years, as I was adjusting to Shelby’s intellectual disability diagnosis, I had a very hard time hearing other moms brag about their child’s accomplishments.  Listening to all that “Johnny” had learned was a painful reminder of how slow Shelby was.  The things we celebrated with her seemed so miniscule in comparison.  I dreaded life groups and play dates because I couldn’t be happy for my friends.  I was too miserable in my own mourning – lost in what could have been.  But God has replaced that jealousy with a true appreciation for my unique and wonderful Shelby.  She is the funniest, most loving child I know.  Her sweet demeanor charms everyone who comes in contact with her. My heart still hurts occasionally when I see other kids doing things she will never do, but most of the time, I just celebrate the wonderful girl that she is.

“What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?  Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?  You lust and do not have; so you commit murder.  You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel.  You do not have because you do not ask.  You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.”  James 4:1-3

Dear God, thank you for the work you have already done in changing my heart.  Please continue to heal my discontent so I will be fit for your kingdom work.  

What Binds Me

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Originally published May 23, 2015
At 121 Community Church we have been going through a sermon series called, “Break Every Chain” (those of you that know that song, it’s now stuck in your head for the rest of the day).  The main theme of the series is throwing off sins that entangle us and keep us from a deeper relationship with God.  The first 2 sermons were fascinating.  #1 – Guilt.  Learning to let go of the idea that “I owe you (God, friend, family member, etc)” something.  #2 – Anger.  Letting go of the idea that “You owe me.”  Very interesting topics.  But today’s message wasn’t just interesting.  It was convicting.  Greed – “I owe me”.  
I have been aware for several years that I have a problem with self-soothing.  I like to eat, shop and escape into TV and books.  I have often thought of these activities as selfish, but somehow labeling them “greed” takes it to a whole nutha level.  None of these are bad or sinful in and of themselves, but I use them all to make myself feel better – not for the mere enjoyment of the activity.  I believe my life with Shelby is hard.  Deep down I do.  I don’t make it a habit of feeling sorry for myself, but I do whatever I want to make myself feel better.  I’m not sure which is worse.  You see, buried in the recesses of my heart is obviously the belief that I DESERVE (what?) whatever will make my life more bearable in the moment – without thinking of consequences to my health, my bank account or God’s kingdom work that I could be hindering.  Even though spiritual inventories tell me that I’m strong in faith, at the core, I quite honestly doubt that God will take care of me the way I think He should.  I trust Him to take care of Shelby, but I don’t trust Him to comfort me and care for my feelings.  I’m not sure where the breakdown of my emotional intelligence is because I understand perfectly what I need to do on paper.  I need to put my faith into action so that I trust God with my insecuries and fears.  I need to turn to Him in times of trouble and depression and stop leaning on these paltry substitutes.
Andy Stanley in “Enemies of the Heart:  Breaking Free from the Four Emotions that Control You” says that generosity is the solution to greed.  That doesn’t quite ring true for me in my situation.  Because I love to be generous.  Giving to others makes me as happy as getting things for myself.  So I guess you could say that giving becomes another form of boosting my own morale.  So, what is the solution for me?  “Trust and obey.  For there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus – but to trust and obey.”  Makes for a nice chorus, but it is going to take me a lot of soul searching, studying God’s word, and practicing trust to get there.  I’m praying today is the beginning of repentance.  If any of my online friends have tackled something similar in your life, I would love to hear about what helps you to put things into God’s hands.  
“Beward, and be on your guard against EVERY FORM (emphasis mine) of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.”  Luke 12:15

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