Lauren Sparks

The Sparks Notes

A Monthly Muster for January

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The space around me feels different than it did when I started 2019.  Not where I want to be, but maybe my feet are at least facing the right general direction.  So all day long I have been replaying the events of this month and analyzing my head space and thought that maybe you, my online friends, might benefit from some of the things that are slowly starting to turn me around.

 

To some, and sometimes to me, it appears that all we have been doing in the Sparks household is volleyball.  That’s low-key true.  Practices and carpools and tournaments take up more time and money than I prefer this time of year.  But it is a joy to support my daughter and watch her team’s heart and hustle.  Let me tell you what I observed last weekend.  There is not a super-star on this team.  (I apologize now if you are a parent of one of these girls and thought your child was it.)  We play lots of teams that have a stand-out baller or two, and they are impressive.  And our girls definitely display different strengths and weaknesses – some better at certain skills than others. Above all, though, these teammates ENJOY each other.  This translates to some excellent teamwork that is sometimes able to best a more talented team.  Maybe there’s a life lesson hiding in there…

 

We traveled for a family funeral right after the new year.  The service was touching and even funny, as was Grannie.  And although some tears were shed, we celebrated a long and fruitful life.  I got to see family I don’t see often enough and was reminded how important they all are to me.  The time I get to spend with my family is life-giving.  I cherish them – from the newest baby to my 90 year old PawPaw.  And along family lines, Chuck and I celebrated 20 years of marriage.  We didn’t get to travel back to our Hawaiian honeymoon spot like we dreamed of as newlyweds, but we got to be together – and being with him is my greatest gift.

 

Our daughter Allie attended a youth retreat weekend at our church and invited 5 friends to join her!  Two of those precious friends make decisions to live their lives for Jesus.  The worship and preaching and serving is all my girl has been able to talk about!  I remember those mountaintop experiences and the uncomplicated faith of childhood.  My older, weathered heart knows that many challenges and difficulties lay ahead for Allie and her friends.  Yet, I praise Him for the belief and conviction and hope they have right now.  These are the roots that, with prayer and tending, will grow deep and keep them grounded in Christ during the storms that come.

 

During my personal study time with God I have been reading Is the Bible Good for Women?:  Seeking Clarity and Confidence Through a Jesus-Centered Understanding of Scripture by Wendy Alsup.  If you have studied the Bible more than a day, you know there are passages that are hard to understand – unless you think it’s totally normal that a woman be forced to marry her rapist.  Little things like that.  This book sheds some cultural light on issues surrounding women at that time by using the Bible as a commentary on itself.  I’m also reading The Louder Song:  Listening for Hope in the Midst of Lament by Aubrey Sampson.  I am learning so much about the almost lost art of lament and how it is as much a part of worship as praise.  Look for a review of this one soon.  And…I’m thinking a light-hearted novel may need to find it’s way to my nightstand next!

 

For visual entertainment, my sweetheart and I saw The Upside at the movie theater.  It was less sad and more funny than I expected.  At home, our daughter talked us into All Summer’s End.  I honestly couldn’t find much redeeming about it and even she didn’t like it.  We also stumbled across the series Sun Records, that you can stream on Amazon – a 9 episode scripted drama about the early days of the Memphis music scene featuring Elvis Presley, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis and others.  Don’t watch it unless you want Blue Moon of Kentucky as an ear worm.

 

2019 Planner

To finish, I’ll tell you about a gift from a sweet friend and a sweet snack.  A Christian planner similar to the one pictured here is really helping with my new goal of writing out a bible verse of God’s promises and reminders of all the ways He is sweet to me.  And this 2 ingredient snack (just bananas and cinnamon) satisfies my sweet tooth enough to help me clean up my eating habits. 

 

It’s the little things…On to February!

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When You Can’t Turn Back Time with Your Teen

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Image by Les Fisher

 

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.”  Psalms 127:3 NASB

 

I believe this to the depths of my being – most days.  If I am completely honest, it is often hard to “behold” this truth now that she is firmly ensconced in teenage angst.  The most difficult times?  When I “beholding” an empty wallet, when I “beholding” all of her  prized possessions I have found scattered around our house, when I “beholding” my temper while attempting to shop with her (I wrote about that here), or when I “beholding” my tongue while she sasses me or insists for the 187th time that she knows better than me.

 

Ugh.  If I could choose to only ever communicate 2 things to my 13 year old, I would let her know that #1 – she is wonderfully made by a Savior who adores her wants to be with her forever, and #2 – that her dad and I love her madly and are ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS in her corner.  What often comes out instead is some horribly timed and messy variation of, “why can’t you do better!?!”  I could crawl up in the fetal position to think of the ways my flesh gets the better of me and my words wound instead of heal.  But balling up with a gallon of Blue Bell (Come on now.  If I’m in the fetal position, there is ice cream involved.) won’t turn back time – as much as Cher might sing about it.  Hopefully I didn’t just give you the ear worm I now have.

 

The truth is, my kid is kinda over me.  She loves me because I’m her mom and I’m thankful I still get hugs and kisses, but she currently takes most of her cues from people other than me.  Willingly, at least.  She listens more to friends, youth ministers and other influencers than to her family.  I often imagine that she hears Charlie Brown’s teacher when I discuss something with her.  But even if she’s not as inclined to listen, I’m not done guiding her.  And I’m specifically not done filling her with the 2 important messages I listed above.  So I’m trying to get more creative in attempts to connect with her.

 

Here’s what I know.  Grand gestures embarrass her now.  I could spend a lot of money on taking her some place cool or buying her things.  She *might* have an appreciative reaction, or I *might* end up feeling unappreciated and dejected.  So I’m opting right now for small, repetitive tokens of my affection.  Here are the two things that seem to be working for me right now.

 

  1.  When I was in college, I decided it would be cool to have one more piercing in one ear than the other.  Asymmetrical ear holes was the extent of my “edge” back then (and maybe now).  So when I jewelry (can I use that as a verb?), I wear a pair of earrings and then one lone stud or small hoop.  My daughter’s middle name is Rose.  I have this Rose stud that reminds me of her every time I wear it.

In a Carol Burnett-esque move, I now tell her when I’m wearing it and will randomly touch it when I catch her eye – like              during choir performances and volleyball games and random Wednesdays.  She knows it means, “I’m behind you.  I’m here for you.”

 

2.  The second idea I stole from a fellow volleyball mom.  If you have ever been involved in club ball, tournament weekends are a marathon of watching and sitting and cheering.  Sometimes hours pass without time for meaningful conversation with my girl, so encouraging dialogue poses a challenge.  I often can’t remember what I walked into a room for, much less all the plays she made in the first game by the end of the day.  I’ve started doing this:

I open my text thread to her at the beginning of the game and keep a running commentary of every time she touches the ball or encourages a team mate.  As you can see, the feedback is not always glowing, but it’s mostly positive and lets her know that I see her.  And I’m proud of her no matter what.  She knows how closely I paid attention and she likes it!

 

Now have these gestures made our household a haven of sparkle unicorn bliss?  No.  She still has hormones and I still have a sinful nature.  But

when I have poured into her and she has felt and seen my love in tangible ways, we often have an extra patience pill for each other

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when her room looks like a natural disaster or her tone implies that I am using my last living brain cell.

 

What creative ways do you connect with your teen?  I would love more ideas.  Comment on this post and be a part of the conversation!

 

 

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