I subscribe to one of those “word of the day” email services. It’s cheesy, I know, but as a writer I hope to continue growing my vocabulary. At least I intend to. I have a custom folder on my app that I tuck these emails in every day. I keep thinking I will search through it and study these words, but I have yet to give them a second look. One word this week caught my attention and captured my imagination: whetstone – 1. a stone used for sharpening edged tools, knives, etc. 2. something that sharpens. (thefreedictionary.com)
This word immediately brought Proverbs 27:17 to mind. As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. NLT
Community hasn’t always been easy for me. I tend to romanticize ideas about friendship. My very best friend lived with me in college. We not only resided together, we worked together, went to church together and played together. She was the peanut butter to my jelly. In my imagination, our families could share a compound today and get along famously. But alas, she lives 672 miles away.
More than a few years ago, when little children kept me occupied in mind and body, I let our friendship fall by the wayside. I didn’t see how we could stay close across those miles. But I thought I HAD to have a best friend. So I set out to replace her. But I soon learned that forging bonds like that as an adult presents lots of challenges. Young moms lack the kind of time one must spend with another to know each other from natural hair color to past dating disasters and around to deep, dark secrets.
I tried, though. Dearest, did I try. I got myself into unhealthy relationships because someone would call me “best friend”. When friends dared to have other friends, I threw myself a jealous pity party! I was one step away from an attachment disorder. Most certainly, I was a disaster. My unrealistic expectations lead me to some lonely times. I’m not certain what snapped me out of this friendship funk. Maybe God performed a miraculous healing, or maybe I just grew older and wiser (hence why I can’t remember).
Thankfully, I woke up to the different ways a friendship can look. I reconnected with my bff across the miles. Mobile phones calls, Facetime and texting – although never enough to suit me – now keep us as close are those two college kids in my memories. And the couple of times a year we do get to see each other in person, well, it feels like going home.
God helped me to also embrace the idea of having multiple friends of varying levels of intimacy. I have a fun neighborhood friend who likes to play games and double date with our husbands. She sits next to me at church every Sunday. She also made a guest appearance on the blog a couple of weeks ago after I spit on her (mortifying and hilarious story here). I connected with another lady who challenges me to constantly consider what I believe and why. We read books together and entertain deep discussions and we laugh.
I met a friend in chemo who has absolutely nothing in common with me except a love for the Lord and our history of breast cancer. She now sits on my other side at church every week. I bonded with someone else over hard, hard things. She’s a counselor and gives the great advice when I need it. My hairdresser is a fantastic listener. So I started confiding in her and she confided me in. Now I get sacred friend time and a fantastic cut and color in the same hour. I also have my very first friends. My sisters and my mom.
You get the picture, right? Community is vital. Each and every person adds something different and important to my life. And prayerfully, hopefully, I serve them as well. They bring me immeasurable joy. I wholeheartedly believe that God uses these ladies (many who have never met) to make me sharper, funnier, better read and more thoughtful. Most importantly, they make me more like Him.
I would love it if you would share in the comments what friendship brings to your life.
And now for this week’s featured post!
I am just getting to know Wemi Omotosho as a writer, but I am so enjoying her voice in the blogosphere! Her strong encouragement in Loud was just the shot in the arm I needed this week. Visit her blog Reflections in the Mess: Connecting with God Through a Messy Life to learn, to absorb art and to be inspired. Thank you, Wemi, for linking up with us and grab a badge below for your website!
1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.
2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.
3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).
We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.
MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
HEATHER HART & VALERIE RIESE – Candidly Christian
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
Now Let’s Link Up!
Sharing is caring! If you liked this post, do me the huge honor of using the buttons below to share it to your favorite social media accounts. And if you want to get these essays emailed to you once a week, subscribe! Lastly, my posts may contain affiliate links and I earn from qualifying purchases. If you buy anything from one of these links, I will receive a few pennies to help offset the cost of this website at no additional charge to you. Thank you in advance for your help.
To find some great places where I might be sharing this post, click here.
Oh wow! This is such a wonderful surprise to wake up to 🙂 Thank you so much for featuring me and I’m glad my posts encourage you. You in turn (and others in the blogging community) have encouraged me to carry on 🙂 And i completely understand what you mean about community not being easy sometimes – i also tend to romanticize friendships but I’ve learnt now to just go with the flow and like you I now also have friendships for different things. As an introvert, I really enjoy time on my own but I’ve realized that community is a huge blessing from God and something to be grateful for.
It was my sincere privilege, Wemi! And I consider you a part of the community I am grateful for!
I love the way that God reveals to us how deep and big His Body really is. I’ve been through many breakings there, but through it all, God has uncovered new ways to show me the blessings of His Body. The relationships He weaves are such gifts!
True gifts, Bettie. And so are you.
It’s been such a pleasure having you as my friend, Lauren. I’ve been in the exact spot when my kids were younger. I remember actually calling ladies, asking if they wanted to hang out. Alas, everyone was too busy. It was a long season. I wish I had embraced that time a little better, but I’m so glad to be here now, with you and my other friends that are all so different and wonderful.
You are too kind, friend. Thankful for you here and now.
Thank you, Lauren, for your post. I sense this was not an easy one to write, and appreciate your transparency. Community has been hard for me too, and I can relate to many of your struggles. I like your comments on the Lord showing you that friendships can be at varying levels and intimacy. I think having those types of relationships are very meaningful and help us grow!
It was easier than it would have been a couple of years ago. Then I had pretty boxed in ideas about friendship that kept me pretty lonely. Thanks for weighing in, Donna.
Friendships and community keep me going. It is not always easy and I have several very close friends and that is exactly what I need.
God is good to supply what we need, isn’t He?
Thanks so much for hosting!
Glad to see you here, Dee!
Community really is vital to our growth as Christians. I don’t know what I’d do without my friends who encourage and always point me back to God. I count all my friends, both online and in person, as gifts from God. Blessings to you! I’m your neighbor at #InspireMeMonday.
I 100% agree, Gayl.
It’s important to have friends from all walks of life & differing levels of trust & sharing of our lives.
It’s also important to be a friend within that level of relationship! 😉
I’m always a little cautious when someone calls me their BFF as that statement can be very loaded indeed with huge expectations attached to it! That in all likelihood I won’t be able to live up to, being a work in progress!
Bless you,
Jennifer
You are right about the expectations, Jennier. Have to be careful with that.
Lauren,
I loved reading about all your different kind of friends. It is great to have a variety of friends. When we first started walking through some hard times many walked away because they were not able to endure our pain alongside of us. At first it was hard and I felt hurt. But then I realized not everybody is meant for every trial, joy, or life event. Those friends who couldn’t go deep were there to have fun with when I needed a break from my own reality.
Maree
This is such a great attitude about the missed expectations we all have sometimes with relationships.
LOVED this, Lauren. I think (hope?) that most of us get to the same point you did and realize that community matters!
Yes! Sometimes hard, sometimes wonderful. Always beneficial.
I’ve been blessed in my life with excellent friends. Now, we live far away from them but we stay close and in each other’s lives by way of chatting and texting.
Technology is such a blessing in this!!!
This is causing me to think more deeply about the friends I have made and what role they play. Also, how I might reconnect with those that I am separated from by distance, especially as a single person living in quarantine. Great read! Thanks for the inspiration! 🙂
So glad to help, Robyn. And glad to make a new online friend!
Friendships can be such a tricky thing. I have 3 lifelong friends from my childhood that I still do things with a few times each year, but even in this group, we continue to learn things about each other that are hurtful as well as helpful. Community is worth it, but it does require more work sometimes than I wish it did! 🙂
I so get you on this, Lisa. It’s one of those things I think God uses to continue to refine us.
Oh Lauren, I just love your personalty and the way you speak about friendship and community is inspiring. I love to have friends too but like you I realized, it’s a bit harder when you’re an adult. Especially if you’re an introvert like me.
Thanks so much Betty! I can’t even imagine how much harder it is when you are an introvert.
Beautiful post, Lauren! You know this friendship thing really gets complicated the older we get. And we do find some of the best people during our hardest moments. I guess that is what makes them special people. I try to remain always open to allow new people into my life. And when a good one comes around, it is so important to recognize it. I am so glad that you have found supportive and caring friends. By the way, I also subscribe to a word of the day email! It’s fun stuff. Thanks for linking up!
Shelbee
http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com
Thanks, Shelbee!