Lauren Sparks

The Sparks Notes

An Alarming Trend

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In 2015, I first wrote of my love for People magazine and it’s long-standing position as my “Favorite Guilty Pleasure”.  You can read the original confession here.  It comes to my house free every week (it started as an airline miles for mags thing and has continued to be the gift that keeps on giving) and it provides me a mental vacation from the sometimes more challenging books and Bible studies I may be consuming.  Then I always pass it on to a friend who shares the same affection for this light-weight fare, but who also doesn’t love it enough to pay for it.

 

This issue, however, was not the fluffy time waster to which I have grown accustomed.  This issue broke my heart.  Not because I had any kind of personal connection to the cover stars, but because of the devastating rate at which I hear of a new suicide now.  Just last week the centers for disease control released a report showing that suicide rates went up by more than 30% in half of the United States between 1999 and 2016.  Experts are “struggling to understand why numbers have risen so dramatically.”  Based on these two stories alone we can deduce that money, fame, prestige, celebrity nor even adventure can make a person happy.  It’s a hard thing to study, but contributing factors are often isolation, job stress, relationship problems, addiction, mood disorders and anxiety.

 

My friend Stacey, a Licensed Professional Counselor, gave me the following analogy:  Suicidal thoughts are like standing on the 100th floor of a skyscraper that is completely on fire.  People down on the street are saying, “Don’t jump!”  But you are standing in a building of flames and at least if you jump you avoid the torture of being burned alive.  To truly “save” the person, we can’t just dissuade him/her from jumping.  We have to run into the building and put out the fire.  In plain speak, we have to offer hope.

 

As believers in Christ, we have the hope the world needs. 

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As believers in Christ, we have the hope the world needs.  Satan is the father of lies and an accuser who is constantly telling us that we are hopeless, that no one loves us and that no one can help us.  But in Jesus, we find unconditional love, purpose, truth, abundant life, and acceptance.  And maybe most importantly, we have hope.  “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,”  1 Peter 1:3 NASB.  In Him we know that our present suffering won’t last forever.  We know that He can work ANYTHING we experience for our good (Romans 8:28).  We know that one day, through Jesus, all evil will be abolished (Romans 16:20).  And we know that “He will wipe away every tear…and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain;”  Revelation 21:4.

 

I don’t mean to over-simplify this issue.  I’m not naive enough to think that Christians never kill themselves.  And mental illness is very real and very complex.  But I do know that there is always hope and there is always help.  Focus on the Family has a free hotline at 1-855-771-HELP (4357) staffed by licensed professional counselors offering guidance from a biblical perspective.  As does Hope for the Heart Ministries at 1-800-488-HOPE (4673).  Both can also provide a list of Christian counselors in your area for continued care and follow up.  For urgent assistance around the clock, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available at 1-800-273-8255.  The local church is also a great resource to find help for you or someone you know who is struggling.

 

It’s a big battlefield out there, but we serve a VERY BIG GOD.  Offer hope.  Tell others about Jesus.

 

“For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

 

 

 

 

Mortar Boards and the Sweetness of God

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“So that Christ my dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”  Ephesians 3:17-19 NIV

 

If you have been following along with me the last few weeks, you probably know that my daughter Shelby’s high school graduation has been an emotional time for me.  It’s not been typical, but nothing about my girl is.  If you feel like you missed something, you can read about it here and here.  The rest of you almost certainly grow weary of the topic, so I will wrap it up by sharing my final thoughts and blessings here.

 

I’ve had a week to process it now.  What stands out to me most about the experience is not pride in my daughter, which I have.  It’s not gratefulness for the family and friends that surrounded us, although I feel that.  

It’s the almost tangible sweetness of God to me that eclipses all else.

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It’s the almost tangible sweetness of God to me that eclipses all else.   He so tenderly handled my already raw emotions, starting with Shelby’s insistence that she and all her peers were wearing red dresses.  Her innocence and total lack of understanding made me giggle.

 

We got Shelby to the staging area to meet her precious teacher and teacher’s aide who would assist her and found our chairs.  Like most graduation ceremonies, it was boring and long.  Since my husband gave her an “S” last name (not complaining – it’s much easier to pronounce than what I would have given her – Koepf), we waited a while for her moment.  Just as my uncomfortable seat was beginning to affect my normally sunny countenance, we saw Shelby and her helper making their way around the auditorium toward the stage.  And she entertained us all the way around.  First, she saw my friend Terri seated on the front row and broke loose from her escort (almost into a run) determined to sit with her.

 

Terri apologized to me later, but I wouldn’t hear of it.  It is a precious memory to me that my girl wanted to be with my friend.  Once Terri convinced her to line up with her friends, Shelby began a fight with her aide over the hat.  You can see the struggle here:

 

 

and here:

 

 

 

and here:

 

 

When I could have cried, I laughed and laughed and laughed as Ms. A finally gave up and let Shelby walk the stage sans topper.

 

 

And as she walked the stage, the audience started to clap and cheer, just like they did for the 12,000 graduates before her.  Well, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration.  But it took Shelby longer to walk than anyone else.

 

 

And as she ambled across, not really knowing what was going on; the applause continued, and grew.  My girl, who won no awards or scholarships or even a college acceptance, received the longest ovation of the night.  The tears fell then.  They are falling now as I retell it.  But they weren’t sad tears.  They still aren’t.  The tears are full of gratitude – for the ways God can use someone with the IQ of a toddler to touch a life.  For the ways Shelby fills my heart with joy.  For the love of a good, good Father who knew exactly what was needed to make the night special for this mama.

 

“The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new ever morning; great is Your faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:22-23  NASB

Book Review: The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery

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I know this is not at all a professional way to start a book review, but I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS.  The main reason I am writing a review is that I NEED to continue processing what I have read and everyone in my life is tired of hearing me talk about this (sorry, Chuck).  So I need one – or multiples – of you to read this book so that we can discuss like Coffee Talk with Linda Richmond!  Don’t let my enthusiasm scare you into thinking this is a brain-washing cult.  Just click here to order from Amazon (I’ll get a few cents if you use this link) and then I’ll explain in the next couple of paragraphs why you have made a wise purchase.

 

I consume a lot of Christian media – fiction and non-fiction books, movies, blogs and podcasts.  Pretty much everything but music.  Go figure.  For the last several months it seems like everything I have read and listened to with a Believer’s bent has referenced the Enneagram.  I honed in on the fact that it was some kind of personality typing, but felt out of the loop every time someone mentioned their “number” or asked their fellow conversant where they fell on the scale.  I decided I needed the low down on a) what it was, and b)why faith-based influencers were so into it.  A quick internet search lead me to this current, popular exploration of the ancient system and how it ties into our spirituality.  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.

 

In studying this ancient tool, author Ian Morgan Cron learned that it’s “full of wisdom for people who want to get out of their own way and become who they were created to be.”  His mentor encouraged him to continue to grow in self-knowledge to become more aware of his need for God’s grace; and prayed over him, “May you learn to see your self with the same delight, pride, and expectation with which God sees you in every moment.”  The book’s author’s admits that the Enneagram is an imprecise model of personality…but a still very useful one.  Cron finishes his introduction by saying, “Life hands us a challenging syllabus.  We need all the help we can get.”

 

The Enneagram has 9 basic personality types that I cannot get into here or I will be digging a hole I will not be able to get out of and you would never read.  But each of the nine types is more susceptible to one of the 7 deadly sins (plus fear and deceit) than other temptations.  This is one of the main ways the Enneagram sets itself apart from other personality inventories.  It doesn’t simply seek to explain to you what you are for knowledge sake, but helps you identify the weaknesses that stand in the way of a deeper relationship with the Creator of who you are.

 

The book dedicates an entire chapter to each of the 9 types explaining their common characteristics, what it’s like to be that type (or number), their deadly sin, how they manifested their number in childhood, and even some famous examples of the type.  Perhaps the most interesting information is how each number might correspond to the numbers next to it on the Enneagram circle and what number each type gravitates to in times of security and times of stress.  It sounds a little complicated, but it has taken just enough of my band-width to keep me sucked in.

 

I love awakening to myself in the different types, as well as trying to type my loved ones to learn how I can better interact with them (although the book warns against telling anyone that you have them all figured out ;).  I won’t bother telling you what I think I am for two reasons.  First, it won’t mean much to you if you haven’t read the book; and second,  I’m not 100% sure.  I need to read another book for an assignment, so I have forced myself to put this one down for the time being.  But I plan to pick it back up and re-read a few of the chapters for verification.  This is huge for me!  I never, ever re-read.  The list of books I WANT to read is so long that I am a one-and-done girl.  But not this time.  And THAT is the best endorsement I can give you to read this book!

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