Cancer and Tears

I have cried the tears over my cancer diagnosis.  Fear of the unknown brought the torrent initially.  Shock over hearing the big “C”.  I couldn’t hold the waterworks at bay as I told my husband, my mom, and then my sister.  But that was about the extent of those kinds of tears.  I won’t pretend that I am completely at peace.  My blood pressure readings at medical appointments would give me away.  And there have been bouts of insomnia as my mind swirls with all the information and possibilities, but antidepressants and Jesus help me cling to positivity.  I’m not naive enough to think that I am completely passed the emotional upheaval of this journey, but for now, I really am ok.

Believe it or not, when the tears come now, they are happy tears.  They come when a care package arrives full of bright sunshine.  When a friend makes me a special blanket to hug my body during the toughest times.  When a dear one who lives 160 miles away signs up for my Meal Train (what?).  When the prayers and words of love and encouragement flow non-stop.  When we sing this song at church:

“How He Loves”
(originally by John Mark McMillan)

From the lyrics of this sweet song to the hands and feet that God has used, I see constant reminders of His love for me.  That makes me cry.  He loves me so much more than I deserve.  He loves me unconditionally and without end.  Romans 8:38-39 comforts me.  “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  That promise wraps me in an embrace warmer that even my new favorite blanket can.  It’s a promise for all of us.