A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,

but only in expressing his opinion. Proverbs 18:2 ESV

When you see someone’s teeth chattering, do you draw the conclusion that he is cold? That’s what the nurses thought as they wheeled me into surgery for the first time at twelve years of age. They piled warm blankets on me – one after another – until my mama astutely said, “she’s scared.” Leave it to a mother to know.

Many moons ago, heavy with our first child; (I do mean heavy. I gained enough weight to give birth to a fifth grader.) I shivered uncontrollably whenever my husband argued over the phone with our first wife about their son. No, I never married her. I say “our” first wife because we have always been in this thing together. Those heated discussions caused me so much anxiety that I shook like I had a fever.

The first several days after my daughter broke her leg this spring, when she changed positions her molars knocked together at an alarming rate. The cause – pain. Fear, anxiety, pain. Add cold temperatures and fevers, and we have at least five completely different causes for the same action. Yet we tend to make assumptions about chattering teeth – among other things.

My teenage daughter and I are pretty different. I think I mentioned this before. Like here and here and here and…you get the idea. We butt heads occasionally (ok, that’s a mild understatement) as I try to “get” her. For example, I possess an inability to procrastinate. If I know I need to get something done, I must tackle it immediately and put it to rest. Anything else causes me anxiety. My girl is a major procrastinator – even with regards to things she supposedly enjoys. She scrolls on her phone and listens to music or plays her ukulele until she is sitting on top of a deadline. Practicing a sport, finishing homework, perfecting her choir music – it all gets pushed down the road until she can’t push it any longer. This drives me bonkers!

Through the years I have complained and moaned to my husband about our lazy, unmotivated child. Mind you, this kid makes straight A’s and aces advanced classes, excels in choir and takes leadership roles in both church and extracurriculars. But because she procrastinates, I think she’s lazy! Until the coronavirus lockdown.

Self-isolation allowed me to spend a lot more time with my girls. Some good times. Some challenging times. And its taught me something about the youngest. The earlier she tackles a project, the more time she has to think about it, second guess it and doubt herself. Anxiety, not sloth drives her to wait. The more I push her to work on something, the higher her anxiety climbs. As I watched her begrudgingly handle online schooling, I see that she gets to things in her own timing. And typically does a good job.

Being johnny-on-the-spot keeps my anxiety in check. Moving too quickly on something causes hers. So I am learning to keep my timelines to myself – even if I have to bite my nails to do it. And it is making a big the difference in our relationship and my frustration. All because I understand her a little better.

You know what they say about making assumptions! Do you have any you need to challenge today?

And now for this week’s featured post!

With a bored 15 year old daughter at home this summer, I took personal interest in 10 Books Every Christian Teen Girl Should Read in Summer 2020 by Joyce Cortes Mackenrath of unshakeablejoy.com. Saying a prayer that one of these will help tear my girl away from her phone!

Now for this week’s link-up! Let’s bless and encourage one another in our walk with the Lord.

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Dear Teenage Daughter,

You aren’t entitled to obey only when you feel like it.

You aren’t entitled to make all your own decisions.

You aren’t entitled to an allowance without contributing to the chores in our household.

You aren’t entitled to stay out as late as you want.

You aren’t entitled to all the fineries and material goods that your friends can afford.

You aren’t entitled to free speech at the expense of others’ feelings.

You aren’t entitled to a 24 hour parent ATM.

You aren’t entitled to treat your parent like an on-call uber, cook or maid.

You aren’t entitled to take your anger and frustration out on those who love you.

And you aren’t entitled to the freedoms of adulthood with none of the responsibility.

But Dear Teenage Daughter,

I am not entitled to reciprocate when you lash out.

I am not entitled to a stress and drama-free home.

I am not entitled to build a protective bubble to keep you from hurting or stumbling.

I am not entitled to singular control over my time and resources.

I am not entitled to a clutterless existence.

I am not entitled to make all your decisions for you.

I am not entitled to discipline out of pride or anger.

I am not entitled to lay on a guilt trip when you’d rather not be with me.

I am not entitled to behavior from you that makes me “look good”.

And I am not entitled to keep you a little girl forever.

But just maybe, there is enough grace to cover us both. I love you.

For of His fullness ^[a]we have all received, and ^[b]grace upon grace. John 1:16

Now for this week’s featured post!

People are Hard to Hate Up Close by Laurie Hess of Meditations in Motion.

Laurie has said here what I have struggled to say before, with a great personal story touch and even a social media call to action! Let’s get personal, drop the generalities and love each other better. Click here to read the post.

Now for this week’s link-up! Let’s bless and encourage one another in our walk with the Lord.