self-help Archives - Lauren Sparks

This past Monday the world observed International Women’s Day. I know of and personally know many wonderful women worth celebrating. And I’m thankful that women have and are fighting for equal rights and equal pay. Women are just as worthy of success as anyone else with the same qualifications. But I believe some messages of this movement miss the mark. We (women and men) were not created to be completely independent of God or other people.

A simple google search of the phrase “I am enough” unearths multiple books, t-shirts, jewelry lines, canvas prints, a master class and a guided self-love meditation. Self-help gurus shout from every platform, “I AM ENOUGH!” “YOU ARE ENOUGH!” In a world where every home improvement show and bikini-clad social media influencer nudges us toward comparison, it’s a nice thought. But here’s the thing, it’s not true.

This message and the people spouting it are well-meaning, and very prevalent in this season. The underlying message of building self-esteem, finding yourself worthy and loving who you are sounds good – even needed – in a climate of vicious bullying and cancel culture. And yet the same people who tell us that we are inherently beautiful also want to sell us billions of dollars in diet programs and products and who-knows-how much in exercise equipment, apparel and gym memberships. Also, we need to add to the Kardashian’s millions by using their cosmetic kits. So which is it? I am enough? Or do I need all these things to make me better?

I would not dream of speaking for you, but I will tell you how I feel about myself. Most definitely, I am NOT enough! This will not be a popular sentiment, but I have not been, nor will I ever be in and of myself, enough! If I measure myself against this world’s standards, there will always be someone smarter, prettier, more fit, more popular and who has nicer things! So how could I possibly be satisfied navel-gazing at myself? I can tell you without hesitation that I am not worthy, deserving or anywhere near perfect. There is something in me that will always keep me from being enough. But I am okay with that, because…

He is enough.

I don’t have to possess a supermodel’s body or perfectly symmetrical facial features. Almighty God, with reverence, made me wonderful (Psalm 139:14)

Never will I be the strongest or the smartest. That’s okay. Philippians 4:13 says “I can do all things through him who gives me strength.” And I might as well cease striving in my own power because apart from God’s Holy Son, Jesus, I can do nothing. (John 15:5)

I don’t have to dot every i or cross every t. Through Jesus, God forgives me for all my sins (Ephesians 1:7). Jesus died so I won’t have to be “good enough” (Galatians 2:21). I could never be righteous without His intervention.

As a middle aged, middle class woman, the probability of me gaining success according to our culture’s standards is low. But because of God’s blessings, I “abound in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8).

I no longer feel the need to hide my imperfections, because God’s power shines brightest through my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Whether or not I am in a romantic relationship or in the popular group, I am chosen and cherished by the Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:4, 1 Peter 2:9).

I could tell myself all day long that I’m enough. But a part of me knows that something is missing without Jesus. It’s not always easy to drown out the voices in my head and see myself the way God sees me. The loud messages of the world don’t line up. But the truth is…I can’t define my value. God’s word already describes me as a beloved daughter of the King of all Kings. What could be better than that?

And now for this week’s featured post!

AnnMarie of busyblessedwomen.com wrote about The God Who Sees Me last week. I didn’t realize how much I needed to explore this aspect of God’s character. In a world that is so noisy, it can be hard to feel truly seen, truly known and loved. But in God we are! Thanks, AnnMarie, for linking up with Grace and Truth.

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
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HEATHER HART & VALERIE RIESE – Candidly Christian
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
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LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
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Now Let’s Link Up!

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Confession: When I was presented with the chance to participate in a launch team for an updated version of The Language of Love and receive an advance reader copy of the book, I was SO EXCITED because…I thought it was The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. My husband Chuck’s first wife – for crying out loud – gifted us a copy of the later for a wedding gift and it really helped us understand each other in the early stages of our marriage. But alas, this is not that book, and I couldn’t be happier about my error. Had I not read of this opportunity with what was obviously only a millimeter of my attention, I might not have read this incredible book. And it is incredible.

The Language of Love by Gary SMALLEY (See my mistake there? Yeah, ok. Maybe it’s just me.) and John Trent teaches the valuable concept of using word pictures in communication to be “instantly understood”. According to the authors, “Studies show that when we hear a word picture, our brains work faster and expend much more energy than while reading or listening to conventional words.” So what is a word picture? From the book: “An emotional word picture is a communication tool that uses a story or object to activate simultaneously the emotions and intellect of a person. In so doing, it causes the hearer to experience our words, not just hear them.” A simple example from the book is comparing anger to starting a fire inside your house. “It should be rarely indulged. And if it ignites, it should be extinguished. And soon. Or it can consume you and the whole house.” When using an example such as this, one can clearly communicate to another the danger of letting one’s anger get out of control. The word picture can pack a much bigger emotional and cerebral punch than the more straightforward, “It hurts my feelings when you get angry.”

Feelings are so abstract and can often mean different things to different people. They can even change meanings according to situations. The word “love” can mean “enjoy” – as in, I “love” ice cream. Or it can mean deep emotional commitment as it pertains to familial or romantic relationships. I know personally understanding my own feelings at times poses enough of a challenge without trying to explain them to someone else. That’s where word pictures come to the rescue. With the ability to associate an abstract emotion to a more concrete thing or situation, we can make more sense of it for ourselves – and often others. For example, the poem “Welcome to Holland” is a well-known word picture in the community of special needs parents. The author Emily Perl Kingsley likened the experience of this type of parenting to planning for a trip to Italy, where all your friends are going, but instead getting off the plane in Holland. It’s not awful. In fact, it’s beautiful, but not what you expected. And none of your friends are there. And furthermore, to enjoy it you have to let the dream of Italy die. I love the poem because it explains better than I ever could how the journey with my daughter is both painful and beautiful.

The authors of this book also point to the Bible as a source of significant word pictures. The writers used parables and other such illustrations to help us better understand God’s great affection for us. Our finite minds could never even begin to comprehend His infinite, limitless, unconditional love without the stories that Jesus and others teach us through scripture. “From evangelism to discipleship, from encouragement to correction, word pictures help us strengthen our own spiritual lives. And perhaps as an added benefit, they can help us pass that life on to others.”

Whether you seek better interactions with friends, co-workers, children or your spouse, The Language of Love offers practical help. And as a bonus, I found the word picture practice to be super helpful for my creative writing! The update of this book comes out on April 17, but you can pre-order it today here! (This is an affiliate link, so if you order this book, or anything else after clicking on it, I get a few cents to help off-set my website hosting costs. Thanks!)