There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of a person, but that it shows far too little. from The Theology of the Body (there are many different written versions of this like this one).
This quote from Pope John Paul II kicks off a chapter on Pornography in A Practical Guide to Culture: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Today’s World by John Stonestreet and Brett Kunkle. I warned you here that I probably wasn’t done referencing this book yet. If you have teens or tweens and haven’t picked it up yet, you definitely should. In it, the authors quote Christian apologist Josh McDowell as saying, “The question is not ‘Will my kids see porn?’ but ‘How will they handle it when they do?'” Frightening but true based on these statistics from The Covenant Eyes website:
*90% of boys and 60% of girls said they were exposed to pornography before the age of 18
*64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women admit to watching porn at least once a month.
*One out of every 8 online searches and one out of every 5 mobile searches is for porn.
*Pornography takes up 1/3 of the Internet’s bandwidth.
That last one knocked the wind out of me.
Pornography used to be something found in plastic covered magazines behind the counter or hidden with a curtain at the video store. But the internet has made it easy to find – even for those not looking for it. And once you’ve seen it, studies show that it can be highly addictive, even changing the structure of the brain in similar ways to those of people addicted to drugs and alcohol. Some of the ramifications of this type of addiction are distorted views of sexuality and risky behaviors, marital dissatisfaction and long lasting feelings of guilt and shame. In addition to the personal damage porn causes, partakers of pornography are contributing to the ongoing problem of sex trafficking and the exploitation of women and children – whether they realize it or not.
With all of this at stake, we are wise to turn our attention to the possibility that anyone of any age can stumble into pornography on any computer or smart phone in reach. There is help for the porn problem. That’s why I want to tell you about a couple of companies doing good work to help the conscientious protect themselves and their children from the dangers of the internet. Covenant Eyes, who provided the statistics listed above, provide screen accountability through monitoring, analysis and reporting for $15.99 per month on a family plan. Their services are secure, private and comprehensive. They offer customer support and a 30 day money back guarantee. Check out their website here to see what protection and peace of mind they can provide.
The second company helps parents like me to easily monitor the phone, tablet or computer activity of children. Before Bark, I checked up on my teen’s phone by occasionally intercepting it and scrolling through texts, pictures and social media apps. This was incredibly time consuming and inconvenient for everyone involved. And yet I knew it was my responsibility to keep her safe. Busy schedules and packed to-do lists often kept me from being timely and thorough. But Bark monitors her texts, emails, social media accounts, internet searches and videos watched. Bark claims to have the most coverage of any monitoring tool on the market. Their technology scans and sends me an email every day of concerning activity. And I decide what’s concerning to me. The software detects language and images of a sexual, perverse, bullying or depressive nature. I receive a snapshot of the infraction and then I decide how to address the issue. No more reading through long text conversations and pouring over instagram. My child has more privacy and I have more peace of mind. It’s only $9 a month for the whole family and you can try for 7 days before you buy. It is one of the best technology decisions I have made for our family.
Parenting in this age is hard, but there is help. Authors Stonestreet and Kunkle recommend opening our eyes to “the breadth and depth of the consequences of porn” by reading The Porn Phenomenon: The Impact of Pornography in the Digital Age, a study conducted by researchers from the Barna Group and Josh McDowell’s ministry. You can also visit the National Center on Sexual Exploitation’s website for more information. If you have questions about any of these resources, I would be happy to help in any way I can. Comment below or email me at lauren@laurensparks.net. And join me in praying for us, our children and our nation concerning the issues of pornography and internet safety.
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Thank you, Lauren, for giving us valuable tools to combat the dangers of porn. It’s something most parents don’t even want to talk about, but it’s a terrible blight on our culture that needs to be addressed.
Blessings!
You are so right, Martha. It’s time to talk about it.
Porn is straight out of Satan’s heart . Thank you for sharing this post.
#GlobalBlogging
Thanks for reading, Veronica.
Thank you, Lauren. This is one of the things we don’t want to know about, but really NEED to be aware of and ON TOP of!
So true, Michele.
Lauren, this issue has destroyed so many marriages and lives. Thanks for addressing it and offering resources.
Your so welcome Debbie. Thank you for visiting.
Such a difficult time we live in if you’re raising children. I can just imagine how Satan draws them into this world through the Internet and social media. It’s so simple, so easy, such a trap! I’ve been looking at slipcovers recently and now slipcovers are showing up on almost every site I visit and all my social media accounts, in my email as well—they’re everywhere I look! I suspect it’s the same with porn. “Oh be careful little eyes what you see. . .”
Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements Lauren!
So scary. Thanks for weighing in, Patsy.
This issue is so prevalent and hard to navigate. I’m so grateful for spaces like this that offer honest discussion and RESOURCES!
I will definitely be checking out Bark!
I can’t say enough good about Bark, Rebecca. It has helped me catch some things on day one, before they become an issue. We have had hard conversations, but the gentle reminder that I will see anything inappropriate is built in accountability. If you do look into it, please use my link so I can get a little commission. Thank you.
Lauren, I am always overwhelmed with the amount of porn available to anyone. It is just sad. I will definitely have to look into the Bark app. I have two teens and one tween all with phones. Of course, we check their phones regularly, but I like the fact that this app checks them daily. Thanks so much for sharing.
I can’t say enough good about bark. It has helped me catch some things on day one before they become a problem. We’ve had some hard conversations, but the gentle reminder that I can see everything inappropriate is helping keep mind accountable. If you check it out, please use my link and I’ll get a little commission. Thank you.
Was unpicking this very issue last weekend. My husband uses porn and I hate it. I hate how he knows I hate it but porn seems to be put above my feelings who he purports to love. It means where I used to see an “us” I no longer do and that is so very sad as we had and still do have such good times and probably are fundamentally in each other’s corner. Worse my children have walked him on him viewing it. As you say it is so damaging. Great post – more needs to be done to challenge society thinking porn is OK when it is so damaging to individuals and families #AnythingGoes
I’m so sorry that is is an issue in your home. Unfortunately, you are not alone. Many people have a flippant attitude about it, but it’s damaging, dangerous and contributing to the problem of human trafficking. I am praying now for you and your family.
It’s a little traumatizing that such a huge percentage of the internet is porn! #GlobalBlogging
I know. I found that hard to believe.
I agree with Michele’s comment above. Porn is something we would rather pretend doesn’t exist but the fact is it does. We need to not only be aware but keep our eyes open to how our kids might be exposed to this in their own lives.
Yes. It is so scary. It’s ruined so many lives. Thanks for engaging on this topic, Mary.
What a gigantic iceberg in our already damaged culture. Thank you for sharing this horrifying information. I have John Paul’s Theology of the Body–finishing up another book before I dig in. But I get the feeling his book can be world-altering. Keep quoting. I expect to be doing so soon as well.
Thanks for reading and weighing in, Nancy.